Mass Effect: Requiescat
by Bombsquad
Summary: Requiescat: A prayer asking that the soul of a dead person might be at rest.  There must be an end...to all things, to all battles, to all struggles.  Those who have given everything must know peace.
1. The Martyr's Final Battle

**A/N:**** Well folks, I've played Mass Effect 3 to the conclusion, and I must say…I've been left wanting, like a great number of fans. I didn't feel fulfilled, I didn't feel completed by it, and I hate to say that I feel the last five minutes of the game ruined the trilogy for me. But such as it is, I can't hate the universe, I can't despise the journey that I relished for the destination that I arrived at and found disappointing. I refuse to allow the end to change my feelings for the Mass Effect Universe. A lot of you who read this story will be familiar with my AH Mass Effect Series dealing with a few social changes in the Alliance, and Technological issues I felt were warranted.**

**The fire I have for writing and finishing that story has been rekindled, but before I continue with it, I feel I should…**

…**no, I believe that I **_**must**_** give my Shepard, my Mass Effect Character Shepard the closure that he deserves after everything that he fought through. This story isn't so much for others, as it is for myself and my character. Perhaps it's a ludicrous thought, but my Shep deserved better than he got. It does NOT reflect the decisions that are presented in the ending, just my interpretation of them, and we'll be ad-libbing a lot of the conversation at the end. (Plus shooting some of the ending material in the f'ing head and tossing the body in a dumpster behind the local Hooters) Also this story isn't Canonical with my New Past, and New History stories, but it's canonical for my Shepard and my Mass Effect Trilogy.**

**Oh, and of course, SPOILER WARNING for Mass Effect 3 endings, kind of.**

**So, on with Mass Effect: Requiescat.**

_**Requiescat: A prayer asking that the soul of a dead person might be at rest.**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 1:<strong>** The Martyr's final battle.**

**London, 2186**

"NO! We stay with you!" The cry cut over the sounds of battle that filled the ruins of what had been one of the oldest cities in Europe. Despite the devastation, the deaths the lives that were being snuffed out with as little consideration as a man might give a fly…even despite the two kilometer tall monstrosity looming high above the ruins…none of that held his attention more than that lone voice crying out through the mayhem, the pleading in it, the defiance of it was more heart wrenching than any other moment in his life. There were a thousand other things that should feel more pressing, a million more thoughts that should have been in his mind, but that voice drowned them out, cleared his mind of everything but one thought. His head turned and his gray eyes gazed at the faceplate that was inches away from him. Tali's eyes blazed from behind the visor, the soft glow from them embodied the passion that she felt.

"I won't let you die in that." Shepard said firmly, ducking his head slightly as Harbinger's beam annihilated another group of soldiers trying to reach the beam that glowed in the distance. He looked back as he felt Tali's hands grab hold of his arm, clutching at the armor plates. To most people, a Quarian's face wasn't readable behind the mask…but most people hadn't spent years fighting along side one…most didn't fall in love with one. If there was anything left in his chest, that look in her eyes burned his soul as surely as a flamethrower might have incinerated his body, and it hurt far worse than any physical pain could.

"We fought Saren and Sovereign together! We fought the Collectors together! We're damn well fighting this together! We were with you Shepard, every step of the way, we're not letting you run into that alone!" Garrus screamed, his rifle in one hand as he pointed to the crater streaked kill zone around the transport beam. His friend's eyes were just as pleading as Tali's, even if bravado and a Turian's pride wouldn't let his voice beg to not be left behind. But every word that left his mouth hurt him just as much as Tali's pleading. They had stood beside him, every step of the way, through every battle. Never questioned, never doubted, never hesitated to follow him and put their lives on the line. For a long moment Shepard thought about it, thought long and hard about the run across that death zone, and he felt the fear too. The fear that made him want to face the unknown with his friends beside him, face it with the people he loved beside him…but if they faced that fear with him, they'd die.

"No." He said, and he stood up, standing on the lip of the crater that they had sheltered in. Laser fire scythed across the ground and all around, Humans, Turians, Asari, Salarians, and even Krogan died together, vaporized by the merciless fire from Harbinger. Shepard felt his heart thud faster within his chest, and the ache there drowned out by the rhythmic hammering fed by his fear. He was looking at death, certain, inescapable death. Time seemed to slow as he stood there, the crimson of Harbinger's laser gleaming bright before him, and he couldn't help but know that truly might be his own death. Slowly, he looked back down and saw Tali and Garrus rising to follow him, scrambling up after him before he could stop them. The defiance and willingness made that ache in his chest surge back to life stronger than before. They were willing to die with him.

"Garrus! Keep her here!" He shouted down at them, the aura of command that came so easily to him flaring into life…and without question, Garrus reached around Tali's waist and hauled her back down into cover.

"NO! NO! LET ME GO!" She screamed, her arms and fists beating against Garrus's armor, catching him in the side of the face, she clawed at him, flailing, fighting, struggling with everything she hand to break free. Though all of it was in vain, Garrus held strong no matter how much he hated it, he was a loyal friend and a good soldier…something that the Turian hated for the first time in his life.

"You keep her here!" Shepard shouted the order to his friend and saw the resignation in his eyes. With his free arm, Garrus raised his hand to his brow in final salute to his friend.

"I'll meet you at the bar." He said, and them wrapped the arm around Tali to keep her from breaking free. She was young, but she was strong, and she was fighting with everything she had.

"I'll always love you." Shepard said simply and turned, his strides carrying him out of the crater and towards the transport beam. Behind him, Tali let out a long scream, her hands grabbing at the dirt and shattered masonry, trying to claw her way out, trying to follow him for a long moment before Harbinger's beam tore through the ground between them and Garrus hauled her back behind cover. The screaming rage collapsed into loud wracking sobs. The fight to restrain her turned into something far different, a friend holding a woman whose love had run to certain death and left her behind. The sobs continued as the sounds of war raged around them, the grief of two friends who had been left behind with the largest burden of all, living on.

Inside the helmet was silence, no radio calls, no cries, he'd shut it all off, shut it all out. The only thing that affected him, the only thing that focused his mind was staring into the glow of the transport beam, looking at that bright unearthly glow was the only thing that occupied his thoughts, it was the key, it was the end, it was the final hurdle to all of it. He didn't care about the devastation that rained down around him, energy beams tearing apart troops and vehicles, it didn't matter, none of it mattered…the beam, that was what mattered. For a moment, Shepard's eyes swung skyward, looking at the monstrous creature towering over him, regarding him as little more than a pest it whished to swat. Vermin to be destroyed, nothing more, not a true threat to it, not really. But he was, he was and all the others, all those little pests were a threat. Gritting his teeth, he ran on, feeling the ground shudder around him and tremble with the might of an energy beam annihilating another squad nearby. There were so few now, no more vehicles, nothing left around him.

He had to run, he had to force his way to the beam, if he couldn't do that, then no-one would survive, it would all end. His gray eyes looked back up at Harbinger and he saw the glow of the craft's weapon charging, and he winced as he saw it sweep across the ground behind him, he didn't turn or look back to see just what had been destroyed, who had died, all he knew was that it wasn't him. He drew closer, fifty feet from it, another blast, more lives snuffed out, all of it behind him…he was at the head, if he could make it closer, just a little closer, he would make it, he would get there, it would be over. Twenty feet away…and he chanced another glance at Harbinger…and he knew he was going to die. The glow from Harbinger's weapon flared bright and Shepard's stride faltered, his eyes looking up at his demise and unwilling to shy away from it, unwilling to back away and hide. If this was his last moment, he would face it, full on, staring it down to the very end.

The explosion as the beam connected with the ground cast him through the air, and all Shepard knew was oblivion.

"Where is he? Do you see him? Garrus, tell me what you see…please…" Tali said, her voice mournful and soft. Garrus kept his grip on her, knowing if she had half a chance, she'd still charge after Shepard, racing to her own doom. The Turian couldn't blame her, he wanted to run after her as well, but he couldn't ignore Shepard's last order, even as the remnants of Taskforce Hammer tried to reach the Transport beam around them, even as Shepard charged through the Reaper's fire he couldn't. He wanted to help his friend, but he wanted to uphold his friend's last wish, and protect the reason that Commander Shepard was willing to go so willingly to his death.

"He's still running Tali, he's still alive. Damn he can move. I've never seen him run from a battle, but he sure can run into it. I don't think I'd be so willing to charge a Reaper." Garrus said, his eyes still watching Shepard's back, fixated on the form as it raced across the open ground. Every stumble, every slight break from a runners stride elicited a wince from him, step taking an eternity as he watched, and in the back of his mind, Garrus was cheering him on. He watched as Shepard stumbled and then froze, so close to the end of his mad race to the transport beam. The Turian stiffened and his mouth dropped open. Before he could do anything, before he could charge out of the crater and to hell with Shepard's orders…he was gone. He knelt there, hand outstretched, a futile gesture to nothingness. Shepard was gone, annihilated by Harbinger.

"Garrus? Talk to me…" Tali said and all he could do was mouth the words, no voice would come to him, no sound could come out. After everything, he was gone. In a flash of light.

"He…" Garrus choked out slightly, then simply shook his head at Tali's upturned visor. That was all it took. Something seemed to break in her, deflating her from within some completely that she could only hang her head and let her helmet rest against Garrus's chest plate.

He was gone…and it was all over, yet the weight of losing the war with the Reapers seemed to be nothing beside losing him.

It wasn't death, not quite. He'd died before and this didn't come close to it. He felt pain, he felt searing, indescribable pain that filled his body and set every nerve ending alight with agony as he lay there, but he knew he was laying there, he wasn't simply hanging suspended in nothingness, he wasn't divorced from all things, he was alive, he was real and tangible, he could feel. And if you could feel the pain, you sure as hell weren't dead. With supreme force of will, Shepard opened one eye, and gazed up into the heavens, looking at the cloud filled skies about London and breathing in the rank air that hung over the ruins. Slowly, he sat, feeling his body surge with more suffering, but clinging to a thought he traced back to Basic Training, if you could feel, you were alive. The pain was beyond rationalization, but that meant he was still alive.

Part of him wanted to lay back on the ground and submit to the pain, to simply lie there and die, but he couldn't do that. As he looked around he knew that there was no-one left, there was no one charging the beam and he was mere feet from it. Falling to the ground, Shepard's hands grab at the dirt and slowly, he began to drag himself forward, the feel of the concrete and rubble against his flayed and charred skin making him retch as every sensation amplified and exploded once more to an untold level. Shepard had been told that eventually your body stops feeling pain, it doesn't matter anymore and your mind and body just block it out…but whoever decided that was 'normal' hadn't drug themselves across fucking concrete after being almost vaporized by an energy beam.

Blood ran in torrents down his face, stinging his eyes and smearing on the ground behind him as he clawed his way forward, slowly covering the last bit of ground as all around him the world seemed to be ending. The pain that Shepard's body had stopped feeling was the armor that had almost fused to his flesh from the force and heat of the blast, he didn't realize that the arm plates and gauntlets of his armor had been blasted off along with his helmet as he reflexively shielded himself from the energy blast. He couldn't feel the fact that the fact that his left leg from the calf down was almost entirely flayed of skin and the only reason he wasn't bleeding to death was because it had been cauterized completely. To anyone who saw him, he should have been a corpse, he should have been dead and buried, but he refused to die. The last ten feet were the longest of his life, every inch was paid for in blood, every single finger hold a triumph, and the last inch, Shepard reached out and felt the nauseating yank as he was transported to the Citadel.

The pain felt more pure, more simple, more omnipresent now. It didn't feel like it was in reaction to anything, it simply felt like it existed, that pain was all there was. Shepard rolled slightly and vomited onto the floor, vertigo gripping him, the hideous fetid air close to him that was infused with more and closer death than London had managed…and the pain…all of it rolling together to force his body to try anything to make itself hurt less. Coughing and gagging, Shepard sat up and looked around the darkened chamber. The first thing that he could make out were the bodies, so many bodies simply piled on top of each-other…just like in the Collector ship. Whether from strength of will or lunatic determination, first one hand on the deck, then the other…Shepard rose to his feet, staggering slightly, but standing. His eyes peered through the gloom and tried to pick out anything, but all that lay before him was a corridor, no other paths. Slowly, the brutalized soldier moved forward, one foot in front of the other, driving forward.

"Can anyone hear me? Is anyone else here?" The small com in Shepard's ear chirped, deafening in the grisly silence of the corridor.

"Anderson? Shepard here, I made -barely- it but I didn't see anyone else." Shepard replied, looking around, but still struggling down the corridor.

"Damn it. You're the only one that I reached, I made it through the Transport beam but I don't know where you are. I came out in some kind of tunnel, felt like the Collector Base you described." Anderson said in response.

"I think I came in behind you…I'm moving forward, don't try to get to far ahead of me." Shepard croaked as he saw a soft light filling the tunnel through the haze. Picking up his pace slightly, he began to limp faster.

"Understood, I'm headed up an incline…this isn't like any part of the Citadel I've ever seen before."

"Me neither, less bodies than the Foyer at Chora's Den…" Shepard wheezed in a painful attempt at humor. He received a light chuckle from Anderson at that.

"Well, I have to agree with you there." Anderson said as Shepard staggered onto a walkway across a chasm, and then began to stager up an incline.

"I'm right behind you, slow down, I think I'll need some help…" Shepard croaked, feeling like he was staggering through his N7 Training all over again, carrying hundred pound loads on forced marches after going without sleep for days. His entire body felt sluggish and weak, as though he were underwater and drowning. Shepard drew in a shuddering breath and kept walking, girding himself for the rest of the climb.

"I see a console, I'm going t-" Anderson said and his transmission ended in static. Shepard's head raised as quickly as he could raise it, looking up the platform. His left hand stopped gripping the side of his armor and instead dropped to his side, his hand gripping the M-77 Paladin sidearm that had miraculously survived the blast from Harbinger. Shepard looked at the heavy handgun, the gift from Tali that she'd been reluctant to explain _how_ she'd come across it. Plus Garrus and James had spent a long time modifying for him. He spared a glance at the ammo pouches on his armor and realized that they'd been blown away in the blast…he only had the load in the handgun, and even modded it only held six shots. Taking a pair of deep breaths he flicked the selector switch to 'fire' and staggered up the last few feet, looking across the landing and trying to take in every direction at once, but only managing to see Anderson slouched over the console.

"Anderson!" Shepard called, his voice echoing slightly in the open platform as his limp turned into a full blown stagger.

"He's…here…" Anderson rasped as he turned from the console, his body awkwardly held, as if he was being held up by marionette strings.

"Anderson?" Shepard managed before the revelation hit him. His body tensed, and his mind wanted it to spin about, but something stopped him, something controlled his very muscles.

"Shepard, so good of you to join us. I must say, I admire your sacrifice and willingness to give up everything to reach me…but you're too late." The sinister voice reached his ears and Shepard couldn't move, couldn't turn to face it, couldn't get his body to respond to him. There was nothing he could do.

"You…haven't…won…" Anderson croaked, his body still held awkwardly.

"No Anderson, you're wrong, I have won, the Reapers are mine to control." The Illusive man said simply as he walked between the pair. The only way to describe him was inhuman, there had always been something disturbing about his eyes, but now, the black scale like features growing across his neck and face, the inhuman glow across his skin…it was the slow, visible progression of someone who was being converted into a Husk.

"You're being turned by…them." Shepard said, his eyes watching the Illusive man as the figure slowly walked around he and Anderson.

"You must be joking, I can feel the power, I can feel the strength within me. I can control lesser creatures, I hold the power and sway over every lesser being." The Illusive man said, no hint of mania or doubt in his voice, just the simple adamant truth of someone who believed entirely in himself and his vision.

"No…one…can." Anderson snarled.

"Hardly Anderson. I have achieved what the Protheans couldn't. I understand Indoctrination and with it, I can turn it against the Reapers. I've _won._" He said simply and Shepard could feel his body responding to some unknown command, something that didn't come entirely from his own mind. Slowly, his right arm raised his Paladin and pointed it straight at Anderson's stomach.

"How? _How _have you won? Earth is in ruins, millions, if not billions are dead. Countless worlds lie in rubble and you betrayed our greatest weapon against the Reapers to them. _How_ have you won?" Shepard asked, still fighting his own body, refusing to become a prisoner within his own flesh.

"I sought to control the Reapers and elevate humanity to the next plane of evolution. I will accomplish that, I have control of them, and with that control, I can lead our Race to a new beginning." The Illusive man said, turning and looking out at the massive interior of the Citadel.

"Then why haven't you stopped it? Why are the Reapers still on Earth? Why haven't they left?" Shepard said, finding the strength to speak was slowly ebbing from him, and it felt like a shadow had slowly begun to descend upon him."

"Reapers…are using you." Anderson croaked.

"No! I…I'm in control. Don't you see that? I hold all the power here, they bow to _me!_" The Illusive man snarled and spun around, staring at Anderson, rage covering his face and Shepard felt the pressure on his mind, felt his finger twitch on the trigger and slowly begin to squeeze tighter.

"Then _make them_! End all this!" Shepard almost screamed, feeling his finger pressing harder against the trigger, every bit of force bringing it closer to breaking and sending a round into Anderson's stomach…killing him.

"I can if I so choose…" The Illusive man said airily.

"Then do it! For god's sake, DO IT! End it! End all of it!" Shepard said forcefully, his eyes looking at the pistol and then at Anderson, seeing his friend hanging in front of him about to die from a slug fired from his gun…fired by the trigger that had been pulled with his own finger. Shepard closed his eyes and steeled himself, forcing his body to answer, to respond to him if only for a moment.

"You…can't…can you? You've…" Anderson said…but the rapport of the Paladin cut him off, the round tearing through the air.

"I think that's quite enough Anderson." The Illusive man said dismissively, his back turned to the affair.

"No. You can't completely control me! How can you fully control a Reaper?" Shepard snarled, his hand slowly fighting the indoctrination, fighting against the tendrils of control that had infused his mind. He refused to let it control him, to dominate him…he refused to listen to the whispers that were calling to him. Anderson still hung limp, his eyes wide at the pain of the slug that had torn through his stomach

"How…"

"You _failed_. You can't stop this. You can't control them, you can't end this. Look at us, we're doing what they _want_! We're fighting each other, killing each-other. We can defeat them if we all fight them! There's still time to end this." Shepard growled as his pistol slowly, ever so slowly swept through the air towards the Illusive man.

"I…tried…I wanted to stop this." The Illusive man said, his hand held up before him as he looked at the glowing circuitry that had begun to infuse them.

"There's still time. Help me end it." Shepard said, and the Illusive man reached down to his side and slowly drew the pistol that rested there. He looked at it for a long second, then out into the Ward arms.

"End this Shepard. Do what I couldn't." The Illusive man said simply and raised the pistol to his head. With a single shot, the man who had been the source of untold misery and suffering was no more. Shepard staggered as the control faced from his mind, across from him, Anderson collapsed to the deck. Shepard looked to the control console and began struggling towards it, reaching out to the holographic display and touching it, hitting control runes as best he could. With a shudder, the ward arms began to open.

"Admiral Hackett, the Citadel is opening." Shepard called across the comm as the Ward arms opened and allowed communications through again. Slowly a smile blossomed on Shepard's face…it was done, it was really done.

"The Crucible is on the way. Good work Commander." Hackett replied, without answering, Shepard slowly struggled back and eased down onto the deck next to Anderson, his friend's hands clutching the wound.

"It's over. We did it." Anderson said finally as Shepard leaned back slightly, looking out through the ward arms at Earth beyond, and seeing the fires that still burned on the night side of the planet.

"Yeah, I guess we did." Shepard said simply, his eyes closing as the pain seemed to return to him as strong as it had ever been.

"You look like hell, son." Anderson said simply, groaning softly as he held his hands to the massive wound. Both of them knew it was mortal…but neither one was going to say anything, there wasn't much left to say, they were both dead men now, whatever the Crucible was going to do…there wasn't that much of a chance they were going to live.

"You don't look so peachy yourself Admiral." Shepard groaned, holding his side weakly, the pistol laying on the deck.

"Son, I want you to know…it's…been an honor to serve with you. You're the best soldier I've ever seen…and…I'm proud of you Shepard." Anderson said softly and his head dropped down.

"Anderson? Stay with me…" Shepard said, but he knew it was too late…the blood loss was extreme, there wasn't any medigel…he was gone. Shepard sighed softly, and lifted his right arm. Somehow, his gauntlet was still there, and with it…his Omni-tool. Flicking his wrist, he activated it and reached out with his bleeding and flayed fingers, touching the holographic interface for a few moments.

"This is for Tali'Zorah vas Normandy…from…Andrew Shepard…" Shepard said, speaking into his gauntlet softly, thinking of the only thing that mattered to him right now.

"Tali…I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't be there for you. I'm sorry that I can't see you again, or feel your touch, or hold you close. I'm sorry I can't help you build that home on Rannoch. I'm sorry that I won't be there anymore. I wish I were, I wish I could have left this all behind, I wish that I could have ignored all this…I wish that someone else could have done this, and I could have spent the rest of my time on some beach on Rannoch with you." Shepard said, pulling the gauntlet away as he coughed, seeing blood spatter the deck in front of him as he hacked and wheezed. After a few moments he resumed the recorder.

"I'll miss it, I'll miss you, I'll miss everything about you…but I'll be here, looking down at you, doing whatever I can to keep you safe. I love you, and I always will, Keelah se'lai." Shepard finished and ended the recording, with two other touches, he set the Omni-tool to broadcast the message on the Normandy's frequency until the power cells went dead. With a sigh, he closed his eyes and leaned back, finding…if not peace, then something close to closure…as the station vibrated with the contact between the Crucible and the Citadel, Shepard smiled…it was over. They'd one.

Slowly, darkness began to creep up on him…but the oblivion of death was not to come.

"Commander! Nothings happening, something's wrong on your end!" Admiral Hackett's concerned words cut through the darkness that had slowly begun to wrap itself around him…calling him back from death once more.


	2. Hobson's Choice, McAuliffe's Answer

**A/N:**** It's strange that I'm surprised that there's interest, and yet not so surprised by it. I'm glad people at least think this story worth reading. Thank you everyone…**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Hobson's Choice, McAuliffe's answer<strong>

**The Citadel**

It was strange to linger so close to the edge of death and fail to topple into it's final embrace, but it had begun to seem that there was no true peace awaiting him. There was always one more battle to be fought, one more hurdle to struggle over, one more foe lying in wait. With a long shuddering breath, all Shepard could do was curse, loud and sharp in the empty space that was dominated by a single control panel and two fallen warriors, one a hero in life, the other…perhaps almost a hero in his death. Slowly, Shepard struggled to his feet again, looking down at Anderson's body slouched next to him, then over at the Illusive Man's body facing out towards Earth hanging in space beyond the arms of the Citadel. Forcing himself to take another agonizing breath and not submit to the dark embrace that crept and receded at the edge of his vision. Every step was an ordeal, but as much as he didn't think he could make them, he knew he had to.

"Shepard, come in. This is Hackett, I say again, nothing's happening. The Crucible isn't doing anything. Come in Shepard!" Hackett's voice rang in his ear, determination had begun to slowly tinge with fear. It was a disturbing thing to hear from the voice of Admiral Hackett, the man who had always been sure and confident, a voice of determination in the darkest moment of the history of the Human race, fighting with everything he had to beat back a foe that everyone said could never be beaten.

"This…this is Shepard, I'm still here. I don't know what to do. There's a console…hold on…" Shepard managed to grunt out as he leaned against the display control console behind the hologram and his gray eyes stared into the displays, searching desperately for something, anything…some kind of key to hit to make everything happen.

"A big fucking red button with 'FIRE' on it would have been too goddamn easy…" Shepard swore savagely, looking at the console, knowing that every moment he delayed hundreds of lives were snuffed out in what might be this Cycle's final act of defiance. Shaking his head as the black began creeping into his vision once more to clear it, he leaned closer to the screen. He had to do something, anything…slowly, he raised his hand, not seeing the burned and sloughed flesh that barely hung from it, simply reaching out for the console, fingers grasping for anything that might do something. He looked across the runes, seeing them in Prothean…knowing they were Prothean but understanding them. Odd…Javik had made written language seem so…primitive. But then the Protheans had probably needed keyboards too. The irreverent thought that hammered into Shepard's head seemed to come out of left field, and despite the weight of the moment and the urgency a soft smile flicked across his lips as he slowly reached out to touch the controls.

"So you've made it this far at last." A young voice called from behind him, and Shepard startled, jerking back up fast enough to make his battered body react and convulse slightly, toppling him over onto the deck and leaving him sprawled at the base of the control console, looking up at…

…a ghost?

Shepard couldn't speak, me merely tried to keep his body from retching with the pain that had exploded through every sinew of his being. His gray eyes blinked away fresh blood and he tried to make sense of what he was seeing…it was the boy, the child that he'd seen in the dreams, the kid from Earth…he was there. It was an Apparition…a ghost, a phantom, a memory, a…a something.

"What…what are you?"

"I am the Catalyst." The glowing form said simply, the words carrying far more import than they should have in any other context.

"I thought…the Citadel was the Catalyst." Shepard said, slowly forcing himself up into a sitting position, slouched against the control console and looking at the child from beneath the holographic interface.

"No, the Citadel is simply a housing, a vessel for my consciousness, nothing more." The child said simply, standing above the legendary soldier laid low and seemingly overcome at his final moment.

"I…we, the Galaxy is fighting the Reapers. We need to activate the Crucible, we need to use it to stop them." Shepard said, looking at the boy and wondering just what this…thing…truly was.

"The Reapers are my creation, my solution to the Chaos." The child said, looking down at Shepard.

"What do you mean 'your solution'? What Chaos? What are you talking about?" Shepard said, the black haze at the edges of his vision still swimming and undulation. He slowly shook his head, regretting the pain that it caused, but welcoming the banishment of the haze.

"All Organic life is Chaos. A threat to all things because of your mistakes. I sought to end the Chaos and bring perfection to the Galaxy." The child said calmly and evenly.

"What mistakes? What have we done to deserve this…" Shepard said and gestured over his shoulder, feeling the fine spray of blood coming from his mangled flesh as he pointed to the battle raging beyond the arms of the Citadel.

"Organic races have created a litany of destruction and devastation through their existence, through every organic existence. You make the same errors, the same mistakes, you slaughter one another over pointless reasons, destroying and defiling everything you touch, and creating the harbingers of your own destruction. Organic life always creates Synthetic life, Organic life always anoints itself with it's own destruction. Your offspring kill you, and then threaten all things…your Chaos spawns it." The child said, shaking it's head sadly, giving his words a heavy, almost mournful tone.

"What do you mean by the inevitability? Explain that to me." Shepard asked, his eyes narrowed.

"The last cycle was dominated by the Prothean Empire, an Empire which overwhelmed and subjugated countless other races, annihilated many more…and waged a conflict against a Synthetic race known as the Zha'til in their Metacon War. It was the embodiment of the Chaos that Organic life embodies. Warfare, destruction, annihilation, and the struggle with the Synthetics that you create, Synthetics that threaten the existence of all things." The child said.

"And before that?"

"All cycles are the same, the same struggles, the same threats, the same creations, the same conflict, and the same end."

"What about this cycle? How is it the same?" Shepard asked, wincing as he took a deep breath to speak and felt the daggers of broken ribs fill his chest.

"Asari and Salarians fight Rachnni. Krogan fight Rachnni. Krogan fight Asari and Salarian. Turians fight Krogan. Quarians create Geth. Geth fight Quarians. Humans fight Turians. Humans fight Batarians. Humans fight Geth. The cycles continue, war and death, discord and destruction…and the rise of Synthetics." The Child said in the simple and matter of fact tone, a creature speaking to one infinitely smaller than it. One whose mind was to Shepard's as the mind of a man would be to a bacteria floating in a pool of water. Shepard thought about that for a moment…why the hell was this thing talking to him?

"So are you willing to overlook what's outside there?" Shepard asked sharply, pointing over his shoulder again, then leaning his head back against the control console, looking up at the holographic display.

"All Organics resist the inevitable. All cycles have resisted the Reapers, none of them have succeeded. It is as it always has been, it is as it always shall be." The child said dismissively.

"How many of them have made it this far? Are you so blind that you can't see what's outside there? All those species that you mentioned are standing side by side. Every…single…one…" Shepard croaked and slapped his fist down beside him. The Child looked up and then back down at the soldier before him.

"Irrelevant."

"Like hell it is. You see those fleets? You look good and hard at them. There are Turians and Humans fighting side by side. There are Geth and Quarians fighting side by side. There isn't a species in the galaxy who knows about this battle that has refused to be here. No matter what they can do, no matter what they're capable of, they came and they're fighting, they're willing to die together fighting against your goddamn solution rather than let this Cycle end like all the others. Look down at the world below you. There are Krogan and Salarians fighting together, there are Geth and Humans fighting together, there are fucking _Batarians_ fighting on Earth with _Humans_ to stop _YOU._" Shepard snarled, leaning forward and eliciting another bloody hacking wheeze at the end of his words, spraying blood out across the front of his armor. He fought back the urge to vomit, but the haze was gone, thankfully.

"Your defiance will not matter, you will be harvested and the Chaos will be stopped."

"No, it won't." Shepard said, forcing more air into his lungs. He wanted to die, it wanted to stop, but he wasn't going to let this child…this…_thing_ stop him. There was a battle raging on Earth, there was a battle raging around him…and he couldn't be in those fights, but he was in this fight.

"Your Chaos will give way to our perfection, it is as it should be." The child said more forcefully than before, sounding…annoyed…

"It's never worked. You know what insanity is? Repeating the same action and hoping for a different result. Your insane plan _never works_. Organic life _always_ returns. It _always_ comes back and gains strength. It always develops despite your harvesting, despite your grand plan to solve the Chaos, the Chaos always returns. Order always gives way to Chaos, it's called entropy, and _nothing_ resists it forever." Shepard said harshly.

"Our solution to Chaos will continue, this Cycle will be harvested and our perfection of this cycle will be complete." The child said, still annoyed. Shepard smiled slightly at that small emotional reaction, even as the blackness crept back against him.

"You can't even harvest all the organics, can you? Why leave some alive? Why not take everything? Why did you skip the Humans and the Asari and the Turians and even the Hanar the last time around? Why not make the next cycle irrelevant? End it all in one fell swoop rather than keep carrying out the same task over and over." Shepard said.

"It is the solution, to end Organic life before it can create it's final abomination, the Synthetics that will destroy all life."

"How do you know that?" Shepard asked simply, blinking quickly as the darkness swam closer and closer to the center of his vision.

"What do you mean?" The child asked simply.

"Are you psychic? Can you see the future? How do you know the Synthetics will exterminate all life?" Shepard said weakly from where he lay.

"We do not understand." The boy responded, his voice losing the angry inflection and becoming more…dead… Shepard blinked at the odd shift. Before it had at least sounded like a person, but now…it didn't sound…right…

"You…you claim that Organics will always create Synthetics. You claim that Synthetics will always seek to destroy Organics. But you can't know that, you can't see the future, you can't see what will happen, no being can see that." Shepard said, feeling his strength beginning to ebb and fell back against the console, his head resting against the alien metal, and his eyes gazing up at the control surfaces.

"It is inevitable. All Cycles have been so, all Cycles will be so. Organic life will always be destroyed by Synthetic." The child said, still sounding lifeless.

"You're using the past to justify the future? That is the end of your logic? It will happen because it has always happened so you'll continue to ensure it happens? The only reason that Synthetic life has destroyed Organic life in the Cycles is because _your_ Synthetic life has destroyed Organic life. Has there ever been a Cycle where Organic life has been destroyed by Synthetic life of it's own creation?"

"Irrelevant, our perfection will continue. You shall be harvested and Order restored."

"_Irrelevant?_ That's all you can say? You can't tell me, can you…or maybe you won't. Maybe you just don't want to admit you're wrong. Never thought I'd see a seven billion ton space-station in denial." Shepard said with a laugh, and felt the pain return and his vision clear.

"Organics cannot continue, you wil-"

"I know, I know, we'll be harvested, Order will return and so on. But you've never proven your theory, have you? That's what it is, a theory. You expect Synthetics to wipe out Organics, so you use Synthetics to wipe out organics. You make the Cycles identical and you use that to justify the Cycles, you don't even manage to eliminate all Organic life in the galaxy, you only manage to wipe out the ones who fight, you can't even make sure that your solution stays solved." Shepard said, leaning forward again, smiling at the image standing before him.

"Our solution is perfect, our perfection is inevitable."

"Not inevitable, merely expected. But you can't prove you're right without destroying everything."

"Your Geth have already proven this Cycle has reached it's end. They have striven to eradicate Org-"

"Because of _you_. The only Geth who strove to eradicate Organics were the Geth who served you! The Geth fought to preserve themselves, like all life strives to do. The only Geth who went out of their way to destroy Organics were the Geth who believed your Reapers to be Gods. They only destroyed Organics because you ordered them to. There are Geth out there now who are fighting you! All Geth are fighting you without hesitation, they despise you and your kind. Your clumsy attempts to get their support alienated them, they didn't want your future and they were confused and disturbed by the effect you had on their kind. Then your Reapers tried to control them and use them to kill Organics, turning them into slaves." Shepard said, jabbing his bleeding finger at the child.

"That is irrelevant, the conflict between Synthetic and Organic is inevitable. The Quarians proved that."

"The Quarians wanted their homeworld back, and not all of them wanted a war with the Geth. Hell, they made peace with them! The Geth _never_ wanted to strike at the Quarians, they _never _wanted to destroy them, they merely defended themselves. Your kind turned defense into mass murder, to attempted genocide. That was your doing again." Shepard said.

"Irrelevant." The boy said stubbornly…mechanically.

"Fine, irrelevant, but then tell me something. The Crucible, how could your kind have missed that? Untold Cycles of work went into creating it. All of them working with plans, all of them fighting and dying to buy time for it to be designed, and culminating in this battle, this struggle to use it. How does your perfection explain that?" Shepard asked.

"It does not. It presents us with…problems." The boy said simply, and Shepard leaned back in surprise.

"Problems? What kind of Problems?" Shepard asked simply.

"Your Cycle achieved what other Cycles could not, you completed this device and in turn, the Reapers will not be sufficient, and we must achieve other results. You can utilize the Crucible to solve the issue and end the Cycles." The boy said and Shepard felt the floor rumble slightly, warily he looked left and right seeing two other podiums rise up, each one infused with brilliant colors, one blazing with bright red and crackling energy, the other ignited with blue arcs of energy jumping over it's surface.

"You must make the choice in how to resolve this. You can use this terminal to destroy all Synthetics…the Reapers, the Geth…even yourself since components rest within your own body." The Child said, gesturing to the red control station. "It would end the threat of the Reapers forever, but the cost of this would be beyond measure. The Reapers would be destroyed, but the Mass Relays will be destroyed as well, and Organics will still build Synthetics, and they will still come into conflict. Nothing will change, and the Cycles will continue in a new form, Organic annihilated by their own creations, and those Synthetics annihilating all life."

Shepard looked at the platform warily, then back to the boy.

"This station will allow you to Control the Reapers and do as you wish with them. They would be an extension of yourself, you would be their master and the Cycles would end…allowing you to define the course of the galaxy. Your Illusive Man attempted to do so, but he could not, he was already a servant to us, and he could never control us. You however would be capable of doing so without consequence. Salvation would be within your grasp, for you and for all life. Your war would be over, won." The Child said pointing to the blue control station.

"Destroy or Control…that…seems simple." Shepard said weakly, looking up from where he lay.

"There is a third option…one that could bring lasting peace. I can utilize the Crucible's power to create a new form of life through the galaxy, infusing all Organic life with Synthetic and ending the division between the two for all time. There would be no war, no conflict, no destruction. The reasons for Organic and Synthetic to attempt annihilation would be gone."

"And how do I do that?" Shepard asked groggily, the black haze returning with a vengeance and clouding his vision almost completely. He couldn't argue anything, he could barely think, the pain was washing away from him and the tenuous hold he still had on life was slipping from him…he knew that there was little he could manage.

"You must use your DNA to create the template for this synthesis of Organic and Synthetic. You must insert yourself into the energy beam of the Crucible for that synthesis to occur." The child said simply. Shepard managed half a blink and twisted his head simply to look back over his shoulder, the brilliant white of the energy beam blazed behind him.

"So…destroy everything…and it'll all be pointless. Control the Reapers and everything will be fine. Or…create a new hybrid of Organic and Synthetic? A race of cyborgs. Interesting." Shepard murmured, barely loudly enough for his own ears to hear. Slowly, his head tracked around, from control to destroy and back again, something in his mind whispering to him to do something before he was gone forever…before he died and left the rest of the galaxy with nothing but death. He had to act, he had to act now.

"How…how can I control them?" Shepard asked quietly, forcing himself to speak aloud.

"Simply take hold of the conduit and your body will be infused with that of this Catalyst, you will assume control of all Reapers. You can do this, you are not tainted by indoctrination as the Illusive Man was." The child said quickly and his voice had seemed to become more urgent, more pressing, more insistent…just like the whisper that told him he was dying.

"I'm free of indoctrination? Of all of it?" Shepard asked, looking at the boy through the black haze that danced across his vision.

"Yes, you are pure, you can accomplish what the Illusive Man sought, you can assume direct control of us." The boy said and Shepard blinked hard, hard enough to make his eyes hurt. Taking another breath, he stared at the child long and hard.

"Someone else told me that once…he turned out to be a two kilometer long monstrosity from beyond the edge of the galaxy." Shepard said simply, smiling at the child.

"You must pick from these options. You must before it is too late!" The child said forcefully.

"How do you know so much about the Crucible? You didn't know about it until it was here, latched onto your precious Catalyst. Yet you know how to control it? To use it's power for your own ends? How is that?"

"My power is beyond your mortal mind's comprehension. I control the Crucible, you do not. You must chose a solution to this." The child said, his voice going flat once again.

"So you can come up with these three options…I can destroy everything, wipe out Galactic Civilization…I can control the Reapers, or I can create a Synthesis of Organic and Synthetic? You must be pretty damn powerful, because you know what…I'm rather shocked that millions of years of Organic struggle and countless Cycles worth of work would go into making something that the Reapers could use to take control of all organic life. Seems like a waste of effort to me, give your enemy the weapon he can automatically use to achieve all his ends. Organic life would be gone, forever." Shepard said with a long slow laugh, this time the child couldn't say anything at all.

"You've been controlling me since Earth, haven't you? I've been seeing this child since earth and no-one else ever has. Anderson didn't see him in the duct, and those soldiers at the Shuttle evacuation point didn't see him either. That child didn't interact with anyone. He's been in my dreams, in _every_ nightmare I've had about this war. He's dominated everything, but the dreams are the same, the child is the same. One face glimpsed on Earth. I've seen people die before, I've seen innocent lives lost in countless battles, I saw it on Elysium, I saw it fighting Saren. I've seen so many lives lost. Why didn't any of those dreams have Ash in them? That death, that was my fault, that was my choice. Why that one child?" Shepard said, slowly drawing himself up from the slouch. The pain blossoming across his body at the action banished the black fog once more and left his vision clear, even though he had to grit his teeth to speak, he still forced himself on.

"I was passed out for two days in a base that was Indoctrinated. I've been inside a dead Reaper, I've been inside Cerberus facilities where indoctrination has taken place, hell, I've probably got some Reaper implants in me, and you're going to tell me that I'm _not_ tainted by you in any way? You're lying, badly. If I try to control the Reapers, I'll become another Thrall, just like Saren and the Illusive Man, fighting for what I believe in but being consumed by your control." Shepard snarled, the defiance that had been ebbing away was surging back inside him.

"And destroy…tell me, just how the hell am I supposed to accept you telling me I can destroy the Reapers and this war will end? You say it'll destroy the Mass Relays, I blew one of those up in the Bahak system. It's not there anymore. I blow them up, I blow everything up, and you win. Not all your Reapers are in systems with Mass Relays, are they? I carve the heart out of your opposition with one stroke, and I use the only thing that can oppose you to do it. Plus you have a magic 'destroy' code to shut down everything Synthetic in the Galaxy? It'll wipe out the Geth, it'll kill me, it'll make my clock radio stop working? Where's the cut off point? What's Synthetic for you? Where does it stop?" Shepard said, angrily, leaning forward and holding his arm against his chest, squeezing it tightly to bring on more rushes of pain.

"You must chose from these options. You have not other choice before you, accept, or you will be annihilated by us." The Child said simply, but his voice wasn't childlike anymore, it wasn't even flat…now it was cold, mechanical and oh so familiar.

"Why don't you pick? Why do you need me?" Shepard asked simply.

"Irrelevant."

"You can't can you…you make me chose from these, you _need me _to do that, you can't…and you need me to annihilate the Galaxy with the weapon you didn't know about because you can't. It's linked with the Station and you can't do a thing about it. So you want me to be your pawn, to end it all for you…and you know what I say to that Harbinger?" Shepard said with a wan smile.

"Your defiance is useless, we are the Harbinger of your annihilation." The boy replied.

"Nuts." Shepard said and his hand reached up through the control display hovering above his head and hit the Prothean glyph for 'activate' from beneath. A smile etched on his features as the energy of the Catalyst and the Crucible released around him and his eyes closed.

* * *

><p><strong>The Normandy<strong>

The battle raged around them, a deadly melee of ships from a dozen races brutally hammering against the implacable ranks of the Reapers, a duel of fleets that seemed to have no end. Dozens of massive Reaper ships lay inert, bowled under by the sheer weight of numbers being levied against them. Geth Dreadnoughts fought in line with Turian and Batarian vessels, Quarian vessels covered the flanks of the Destiny Ascension, mixed swarms of fighters wheeled and danced against the forces that the Reapers hurled against them. All cohesion had broken down, now it was merely a wild melee, everyone fighting to survive, striving to do whatever damage they could. Alliance Vessels rammed Reapers, heedless of their own loss to cripple the immense forms that were looming before them. There was no strategy, there was no plan…but there was no step back, there was no second chance, it truly was victory or death.

It was a sense of shared purpose that had settled into the core of every being fighting against the Reapers, they were fighting for every being alive, and the countless numbers yet to be born. They were fighting for a future, and they were battling to avenge the past, to give closure to the hordes of beings that had been ruthlessly culled from the galaxy beneath the implacable onslaught of the Reapers. There was no second thought, there was no hesitation in the heart of any being fighting. The allied fleets ground inexorably against the Reapers, and within the Normandy, all that Admiral Hackett could do was watch the displays and wait.

Wait for the salvation that might never come from the Citadel and the Crucible. There had been no transmission from Shepard, not since his final transmission, and nothing had happened, not a single thing. Hackett's hand slammed down onto the edge of the tactical display, knowing that the outcome of this battle would be defeat without the Crucible, and listening to the sounds of that defeat all around him from the combat controllers.

"Admiral…there's, some kind of energy radiating across the wards…it looks like…" Joker's voice called across the comms.

"Like what?" Hackett asked as the shape of a Turian Dreadnought exploded with the claws of a Reaper clutching it, leaving the Dreadnought gone, but the Reaper crippled for other ships to sweep in upon it.

"Like Shepard managed to get the thing working Admiral." Joker said simply. Hackett looked up as the forms of several Reaper Capital Ships swept upon a mixed Quarian- Asari battle group and destroyed it in a few short moments of firing.

"Say again Lieutenant?" Hackett asked, not believing his ears.

"The Crucible is _firing_." Joker said, and that transmission was across the guard channel, every ship, every craft in the allied armada heard those words and countless Organic eyes and Synthetic photoreceptors swiveled to look at the massive station in Earth orbit, glowing white and radiating an unknown energy. Within the Normandy's command center, Hackett looked at the image being relayed on the monitors and blinked at the sheer radiance of the energy dancing across it. He couldn't ask what it was, he couldn't fathom what it was, all he knew was that it was power beyond any that he had ever seen. As he watched the brilliance seemed to explode outwards in a sphere, a sphere of pure white that exploded outwards, encompassing the fleet, overtaking the Reapers and washing across Earth.

"_Brace!" _Joker managed to blurt before the energy wave ripped across the Normandy tossing the craft like a model airplane in a hurricane. Even with Mass Effect fields and artificial gravity crew were buffeted around like dolls, bodies smacking against bulkheads, consoles erupting in showers of sparks and bedlam replacing the stoic quiet of the Tactical Center. Hackett was hurled to the decking and wrapped his hands around the deck grating holding himself in place as best he could before the shockwave subsided. After a three count he rose and looked at the tactical display, blown out from the force of the shockwave.

"Report Lieutenant Moreau. What's happened out there?" Hackett ordered over the comm.

"The Reapers aren't moving Admiral, they've gone dead!" Joker said and the Admiral could hear the grin spreading across the Lieutenant's face.

"Admiral, receiving reports from the remnant of Shield Fleet at the Relay, it's charged up and fired a beam of…energy off towards what they think was the Arcturus Relay. It's settling down now, but the energy output was off the charts." One of the command staff supplied.

"Admiral, planet-side reports that the Reapers have gone inert on the surface along with all Reaper forces." Another added.

"Shepard did it…he fired the Crucible. He won." Hackett said simply, leaning heavily on the edge of the tactical display, the relief draining him more than the battle had. He looked up at the dead display and sighed heavily. So many good people were dead, so much had been lost, all of it in the pursuit of a victory that they had reached. It had long been said that there were few things more terrible than a battle lost than a battle won.


	3. Gra, Dilseacht, Cairdea

**A/N****: I'm surprised at so few references to last chapter title. **

**Hobson's Choice: providing a person with multiple choices which all provide the same result. **

**General Anthony McAuliffe the acting commander of the US 101****st**** Airborne Division during the Battle of the Bulge where his Division was surrounded in the Strategically vital town of Bastogne in Belgium. The German commander sent him a message stating that he should 'honorably surrender' his forces or they and most likely a large portion of the civilians in the area would be annihilated by German forces. General McAuliffe's answer was simply 'Nuts' and he did not surrender his command.**

**In the face of overwhelmingly bad options, he refused to give into the 'logical' choice.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3:<strong>** Gra, Dilseacht, Cairdeas **

**The Normandy, the next day**

Pyrrhic would not be the best description over the victory that was won at Earth. It was a triumph that had been millions of years in the making, a final victory over a scourge that had tormented the species of the galaxy for thousands of Cycles, something which had defined the lives and deaths of entire civilizations. To many that was worth celebrating, and pulling the galaxy back from the brink of annihilation, to stand upon the inert forms of the Reapers and cry out that triumph was the order of the day for almost every Organic and Synthetic in the galaxy…but after that cry of triumph the true weight of what had been lost in achieving that victory couldn't be ignored. The lives of trillions who lived and died before your time didn't have the same weight as the lives you _knew_, the billions in your own time who had been ruthlessly slaughtered.

For that one moment of frenzied victory and joy, the galaxy could only blink and begin to assess the cost of it all. All gave some, and many gave all to win this bitter victory. But it was still a victory, and despite the cost the races of the galaxy had earned a tomorrow. Even with all the galaxy's fleets surrounding Earth and working to move the remnants of the Reapers in orbit to a safer location, fighting against a holocaust that would be a dark irony after winning the war. Even with that Herculean task occupying their collective minds, the Races that made up the Allied fleets still took time to mourn, to celebrate, to remember everything. Some with stoic silence, some with admiration of noble sacrifice, others with simple understanding…one ship was filled with those who mourned losses more personal than most.

The Alliance crew of the Normandy had made way for a plethora of visitors whose disparate backgrounds and lives made them seem an unlikely group of allies. While the majority of the Alliance crew had been removed from the ship at Admiral Hackett's request to 'assist vessels in need' the unofficial crew of the Normandy had taken up the slack. The only people aboard the ship were those who knew the Commander. Even the Normandy had withdrawn from the attempt to 'clean up' Earth orbit before thousands of Reapers crashed down upon a world already ravaged by their kind. Resting mostly idle high above the Citadel and Crucible that still hung 'mated' together in a stable orbit, the crew focused inwards. They formed in small groups, contrasts sitting about and speaking about the one person that weighed on their minds.

Garrus sat at the bar in the lounge, looking down at the amber drink resting before him. A massive bandage rested across his face and his left arm rested in a sling that Doctor Michel had fitted him with. His body was healing, but his soul felt as scarred as his face. His right fore-talon tapped slowly against the drink resting in front of him, his eyes occasionally darting to the empty seat next to him, and the matching drink that rested there. It was poured, waiting for someone who might never come for it. The Turian Renegade sighed softly and looked at the rows of bottles, wondering idly if he'd picked the right one, wondering which one Shepard would have drunk…and dismissing the vibrant purple one with a slight chuckle. He looked back down at his drink, the levity hurting as much as the overpressure and heat from Harbinger's cannon had hurt him. He knew that he and Tali had been lucky to survive, and if Shepard hadn't ordered him to stay put and keep Tali in that hole, they'd have both died.

"But I should have been with you Shepard…not hiding in a hole." Garrus said quietly in the empty room. He knew that the others aboard were giving him space, and no one had checked in on him yet. He'd checked on Tali, but there wasn't much he could do to console her. All she was doing was lying in Shepard's bed and crying…but you could only cry so long before the tears went dry, and before all that was left was pain. He knew he'd accomplished his mission, the last mission Shepard had ever given him and probably the one that had meant the most to the Commander, but it was a hollow victory. They were alive, and he was gone.

"Hey Scars."

Garrus didn't look up from his drink, simply staring into the amber liquid sitting placidly in his glass.

"Vega." Garrus said simply.

"Not a good idea drinking alone Scars." Vega said, leaning against the wall and looking at Garrus as he was slouched over.

"Why's that Vega?" Garrus asked, straightening slightly, but not looking over at the Human who had decided to intrude in his…mourning? Grief? What word fit what he felt? "You make really bad choices, I know I have on more than one occasion. Two bottles of Tequila and she looked like the finest Diosa you've ever seen. The next morning…I'm just glad I learned how to jump out of a Shuttle, worked well for the balcony too." Vega said idly, looking for any response and seeing less than a shrug from the Turian.

"Vega…" Garrus managed looking up at last and finally glancing over to Vega.

"You knew the Commander right from the start, didn't you? All the way from Saren, a real comrade. Hermanos to the end." Vega said, and walked over to the chair net to Garrus and placed his hand on it to pull it out. Faster than he should have been able, Garrus's arm shot out and grabbed Vega by the wrist, holding it tight.

"That seat is taken." Garrus said simply and looked into Vega's eyes. Vega hesitated a moment and then nodded, letting go of the chair and pulling out the other, leaving the vacant seat between them and the poured glass of whiskey waiting for a third.

"Understood cabron. You knew him from the start, right?" Vega asked again, pulling a bottle of tequila towards him that had 'mysteriously' appeared after Hackett's departure. The trooper poured a shot and rolled his lightly in his fingers, looking into the murky depths.

"Yeah, I knew him way back when all we were facing was one Reaper and a deranged Spectre and a horde of murderous Geth…and a crazy paramilitary group and any merc with a gun…seemed so much simpler back then too…" Garrus said idly, finally lifting his drink to his lips but hesitating for a long moment. His eyes darted to the unclaimed glass and he set it back down.

"Simpler eh? I suppose so. Wish I'd been around for that." Vega said, still not drinking his tequila.

"Wish you'd been around too, would have given them something else to shoot at." Garrus responded.

"Feeling the love amigo." Vega said with a shake of his head and a roll of his eyes.

"Major Alenko, he knew the Commander back before Eden Prime though, where all this mess started." Garrus added, looking over to Vega and wondering what the human was getting at.

"Yeah, I know, but Majors don't tend to answer Lieutenants when it comes to personal histories. Besides, the Major is preoccupied." Vega said simply.

"Yeah, I think we're all preoccupied right now." Garrus said coldly, looking back down into his drink and sighing. He shook his head slowly, his left hand clenching into a fist that made his burns sear in pain.

"He was a hell of a CO." Vega said, setting the tequila down and crossing his are.

"He is one hell of a human." Garrus said, not realizing he'd used the tone of the present in direct reaction to Vega's use of past tense.

"Scars…" Vega said tentatively and Garrus turned to look at him.

"We don't know what happened to him." The Turian said firmly.

"Scars, we'd have…" Vega began, but Garrus rose, fire in his eyes.

"He's _not_ dead." Garrus said simply.

"There's been nothing from him, his comm is dead."

"We don't know he's dead, so he's not dead."

"Garrus…" Vega began but was cut off by the sound of smashing glass and a spray of Turian Whiskey from Garrus's shattered glass as he hurled it against the wall.

"He's not _DEAD_." Garrus practically screamed in the enclosed lounge, his eyes burning and everything about him saying that another word hinting at that would be met with whatever fight the Turian renegade had in him, and judging by the fury that seemed to radiate off of him, there was a lot. "Shepard already _DIED_ once, he died fighting the damn Collectors and he came _back_. He was willing to sacrifice everything for everyone else in this damned galaxy and I don't care what logic or probabilities or fate says, he's _NOT DEAD. _He's not dead when I'm _alive_. He should be the one sitting here at this bar and I should be the body lying in some unknown grave, he saved my ass enough times that I should have been the one to drop, _not him. _So I'm not dead, that means he isn't dead either, because if there's one piece of fucking reason or fairness in this universe then I'd be the corpse and he'd be here!"

Slowly Vega's hands raised and he nodded solemnly.

"Alright Scars. He's not dead till we have his tags." Vega said and Garrus slowly nodded, easing back into his seat, reaching for the bottle to replace his missing glass.

"I don't care what the damn command staff thinks, I don't care what anyone thinks, that tenacious bastard has survived worse than this. He is to damn stubborn to die, he got spaced once, but he came back from the dead, pissed off and ready for more, and went on a guaranteed 'you're not going to make it' suicide mission afterwards. Whatever happened, no Reaper is going to snuff him out." Garrus said grimly.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Vega conceded.

"The first time I met him, you know what he did? Berated me for killing a gang member holding Doctor Michel hostage. Said I could have missed and hurt the hostage. Damn he was always such a…what do you humans call them? 'boy-scout?'" Garrus said with a shake of his head.

"I dunno, he killed a lot of bastardos to be a particularly good boy scout." Vega said idly and he caught the slight shudder that passed through Garrus, his eye brow twitched slightly in curiosity at that and the Alliance soldier waited, knowing that he had touched a nerve with something. Silence filled the bar for long moments before Garrus broke it.

"You ever murder someone Vega?" Garrus asked, staring at the lines of bottles behind the bar…but not really seeing them, his gaze was at something else, something much further away.

"I've killed Scars, I'm a soldier."

"Not killed…not shot a Merc who'd have done the same, not killed or been killed. I mean gunned someone down, in cold blood who couldn't do a thing to stop you. Cold, collected, simply murdered someone." Garrus said, and his voice was low and hard.

"No. Never done that." Vega answered.

"Neither have I." Garrus added.

"So?"

"The only reason I didn't was because of Shepard. Sure, I'd killed plenty who had it coming to them, there wasn't an absence of beings willing to throw themselves at us through this epic. But twice, twice he kept me from doing what I would have done without hesitation, without a thought. Sure, it would have been justice, it would have been right, but it wouldn't have been clean, it wouldn't have been honorable…but I'd still have done it. Don't know what I would have been if he'd let me do it…" Garrus said, his words tumbling out in a rush.

"Who were they?" Vega asked after a few long heartbeats.

"One, one was evil. Pure, unquestionable evil. A Salarian doctor called Saleon. Grew organs inside of other beings and harvested them for money, he treated organic beings like cattle. He got away from me when I was in C-Sec, I had wanted to shoot down the shuttle he was fleeing in, even though there were hostages inside it. Greater good and all that, a few lives hat would have already been dead to stop a butcher. I tracked him down back when we were going after Saren. Shepard helped me get him. We boarded the transport to get him and…his patients turned on us, he'd experimented on them and they were no better than beasts…I knew that sick monster had to go, but when we got to the Doctors little hidey hole, Shepard stopped me from gunning him down. He wanted me to turn him into C-Sec, his days of murdering people were over. I wanted to put that Salarian down then and there, but he kept me from doing it." Garrus said quietly, staring at the rack of liquor bottles behind the bar once more.

"Loco always was the goody two shoes. You caught him, ran him in and rode off into the sunset, case closed." Vega said with a slight smile.

"No, he turned on us rather than go in alive, we had to kill him anyway." Garrus said, shaking his head slowly as he relived the memory, back in that freighter and looking down at Saelon's dead body lying on a deck plating, a pistol he hadn't seen clutched in one hand, dead eyes staring back at him.

"So…what's the deal? You got what you wanted."

"Oh, I thought I had, he was dead, it didn't matter, but Shepard…he just stared me down as I shouted at him and said…what was it? 'you can't control what others do, but you can control what you do'. Shut me up quick. He was right, that shooting would have been 'justified' as they said back at C-Sec…and it didn't feel wrong. Didn't feel like it was about ego or revenge, because after that…I knew that's _why_ I wanted Saleon, because he'd gotten away, not because he'd been a brutal murderer. Because it was personal." Garrus said and James didn't quite know what to say in response to that. Garrus began to speak but trailed off after a few words. "The other…that one…"

"What was the other one? Galactic Terrorist? Mass Murderer? Slaver? Jaywalker?" Vega asked with a chuckle, but the levity didn't quite reach Garrus's ears.

"He got my team killed, betrayed all of us, sold us all out and ran." Garrus said darkly.

"I'm surprised he managed that, bastardo like that wouldn't live long if he managed that to me."

"The only reason that he lived was because Shepard's head was too big to shoot around." Garrus said, and Vega couldn't be sure if that was a joke or serious, he turned and gazed over at the soldier, his eyes narrowed, watching and waiting for some kind of explanation.

"Come again?"

"His name was Sidonis. And I tracked him down just the same way I tracked down Saleon…with a little more violence though…but the result was the same, me standing there, ready to kill him. I knew that it might not be 'right' but I knew it was _justice._ I had left t en of my team members dead in an unmarked grave on Omega because of him, I _knew _that he had to die for that. Eye for an eye, life for a life. It was simple, it was so damn simple to me. It was so damn simple to Shepard too. He was suppose to lure him into my line of fire. Simple, easy, one bullet and ten lives would have been avenged. Things would have been settled, but Shepard…damn him…he stood there, with his back to me and his head _protecting_ that coward."

"Loco…fucking loco." Vega said, half humored, half in awe of hearing the story. Shepard didn't talk much about what he'd done, and what he'd gone through for his team. Vega had known about the things that his Commander had been willing to do for his friends, but this story…he'd never heard a word of it.

"He knew I wouldn't shoot, he _knew_ it. He stood there and he kept that bastard alive and _talked_ to him. I…damn, I just wanted to shoot Shepard and then off Sidonis. What right did he have to stop me? He's standing there, telling Sidonis that I'm out there and waiting, and Tali's in the earpiece screaming at me not to shoot or I'm not going to be dead before Shepard's body hit's the deck...alternating that with screaming at Shepard that he's insane and shouldn't be protecting a murderer. I'm trying to get a shot…and Shepard is tuning it all out, every word of it…my screaming, Tali's screaming, and he's just talking to Sidonis, _talking_ to him, telling him _why_. And as I'm listening to it, all I can hear is Shepard telling him about someone who isn't me…someone who's going to gun down an unarmed man in a shopping concourse in broad daylight…someone who's waiting intently for a chance to look into the eyes of the man he's about to kill. Someone who's_ hungry _for that chance." Garrus said grimly, his head shaking slowly as his gaze drops down to the bar, and the posture conveys more than the disjointed and far away words ever can, shame is radiating off of him.

"Sidonis is listening and he's standing there and he just says to Shepard, 'End it I'm already dead. I see their faces every night, everything's gray and lifeless. I know what I did and nothing's going to make it right.' I hear that…and…it's not black and white, it's gray…it's all just damn gray. I don't _know_ what's right anymore, and Shepard's just standing there, back to me, looking at Sidonis…and then he steps back and I have the shot and I just stand there, looking at Sidonis through the scope." Garrus said and his head sinks a little further down.

"I couldn't pull the trigger, and Shepard knew that…he had to have _known_. I don't know how…I don't know what magic voice in his head told him that I wouldn't…but I just had him tell Sidonis to go." Garrus finished.

"He did what he always goddamn did, knew you better than you knew yourself. Son of a bitch always did that." A rough voice supplied from the door to the corridor. Garrus and Vega looked back to see Zaeed standing there, bottle grasped in one hand.

"Zaeed, glad to see you survived." Garrus said, a small smile twitching onto his features at last.

"Takes more than a goddamn skyscraper sized robot to end me. We sharing stories of our glorious leader?" Zaeed asked and received a nod from Garrus.

"Remembering all the little ways that Shepard enjoyed aggravating us and making us into better beings." Garrus replied, smiling a little more. Vega merely remained quiet and watched the pair.

"Aggravating is too mild a goddamn word for what he did…but the bastard was right more than he was wrong, that's for sure." Zaeed said.

"Zorya?" Garrus supplied.

"Yeah, that bastard Vido." Zaeed said harshly, walking behind the bar and sitting a quartet of glasses on the surface, one for each of them and a fourth for the empty chair that still held the drink Garrus had left.

"Wait…what am I missing?" Vega asked, curious at the inside commentary.

"Vido Santiago, worst piece of work in the Terminus Systems, former leader of the Blue Suns, and my old partner. Bastard betrayed me and I spent twenty years waiting for revenge. I tracked him to a refinery or Zorya. I wanted that bastard to die screaming, but he didn't that day. The Refinery went up and we had a choice, we could hunt down Vido, or we could save the workers, I wanted Vido…Shepard wanted to save the workers. It was a bloody mess, We saved the workers, but Vido got away. Let's just say that Shepard…he could have left me to die, but he didn't. Bastard told me that my personal issues had conflicted with the mission." Zaeed said bitterly.

"Well, he was right, wasn't he?" Vega asked.

"Yeah, he was. As much as I hate to say so, I might not be much, but I am a professional. I finish the bloody jobs. I found Vido, and ended that chapter neatly." Zaeed said, sliding a glass over in front of Vega.

"He had his way about things, didn't he?" Vega replied, taking the glass.

"He was always the hero." Garrus responded, pouring himself more whiskey to replace the measure he'd…lost.

"Most heroes I know end up in a bag or on a slab. The ones that run in thinking they'll be a goddamn war poster or a big name are the ones that get people killed. Shepard was the only one I ever met who didn't end up in a bad way. He wasn't trying for the medals or the fame, he was just doing what he thought was right and to hell with everything else. He fought Saren when the Citadel washed it's hands of it, he killed a Reaper and didn't blink. He _died_ and came back fighting to take down the bloody Collectors when the Alliance couldn't be bothered, and he fought this all the way to the end. He won this damn war, without him, we'd all be husks right now." Zaeed said, and slowly lifted up his glass.

"He better get back here soon, I'm going to get tired of sitting here waiting while his drink gets warm." Garrus said and touched his glass to Zaeed's in toast, joined by Vega.

"Loco…he was always so damn loco that he didn't know when to give up. Glad he didn't." Vega said simply to end the toast, and despite the moment, all three men looked at the two glasses and the empty seat, hoping that it wasn't going to remain empty forever.

* * *

><p>Kasumi didn't like the thought of having to break into Shepard's cabin on the Normandy. Sure, she'd…gone exploring back when the ship had been Cerberus, and that was always an adventure. But now Shep's cabin was locked down and sealed. The master thief had spent some time walking around the corridors of the Normandy, seeing familiar faces and occasionally doing some drooling over Jacob, but the somber air of the Normandy was more suffocating than a tomb. Everyone was going through the motions of a wake, mourning their dead friend. It was understandable, and even if everyone keep tacking on 'but he died once and came back' at the end of every conversation…you still couldn't escape the fact that everyone ran out of luck at some point…even Shep.<p>

Kasumi had listened to Garrus, Zaeed and James sit at the bar and trade their own 'Shepard stories' over drinks, keeping that one chair open and waiting as if he was going to stroll back through the hatch. She'd listened to everyone saying something, reminiscing about him…doing the whole 'wake' thing. She'd listened to Cortez and Traynor talking back and forth about Shepard's belief in both of them. She'd heard Miranda and Jacob talking about bringing him back to life…she'd even listened to Kaiden talking about the man he'd known and respected…and she heard him admit the shame he felt at not following him, to Joker who had yet to make a single joke to attempt to break the atmosphere. It was…too much. Kasumi knew what it was like to lose someone, she _knew_…and she knew that the person aboard the Normandy who'd lost more than anyone and the worst part was that she was a friend.

So that's why Kasumi didn't relish the thought of breaking into Shep's cabin despite the fact that Tali wanted nothing to do with the mourning that had surrounded her. She couldn't blame the Quarian for wanting out. Kasumi knew that if something like this had gone on after Keiji's death, she'd have sealed herself up in a room and then tried to tunnel her way out of the place. But…alone was not a good thing, not right now. She hadn't been alone in the aftermath, and that had probably been what had kept her from doing something incredibly stupid like taking on Hock on her own. There was no telling what Tali might decide was a completely rational course of action.

"EDI? Is Tali still…inside?" Kasumi asked softly, looking at the formidable hatch in front of her. Despite the removal of the projectors, EDI's voice flowed into Kasumi's ear through her comm.

"I am detecting stable life signs, though she has removed all optical and audio feeds in the room, I cannot say what she is doing, simply that she is there."

"Thank you EDI. I don't suppose that you could open the lock for me, could you?" Kasumi replied, surprised at how relieved she was that Tali was still breathing…but then grief could do funny things to someone's life, including ending it.

"No, Tali'Zorah has removed my functionality and encrypted the lock. The only way to open it is with her access." EDI replied and the master thief sighed.

"Well, I guess I need the practice." Kasumi replied and tapped her Omni tool alive. The glow from the forearm controls filled the red hued corridor and for a few long moments she tapped at it, admiring the Quarian encryption with a professional's eye before she decoded the lock and cracked it. A sad smile came to her face as she read the characters and input them into the lock. It cycled immediately and Kasumi stepped through the door and into Shep's, and now Tali's sanctum. Shep's fish swam idly inside their aquarium, a dozen species fluttering about in the water under the watchful care of the Aquarium VI. Kasumi suppressed a chuckle, remembering Shepard's comment about how grateful he was that Kelly offered to take care of them…he'd been hopeless at keeping fish, no matter how much he enjoyed watching them. The bright light from the Aquarium skewed the cabin, every other light was out, enshrouding half of it in stark shadows.

Slowly, Kasumi walked past Shep's office and his model collection, another of his oddball habits that seemed to be too nerdy for such a distinguished and _dashing_ commander to have. Visualizing Shep hunched over his desk with a pile of parts, a tube of superglue and a set of instructions that were made in fifteen languages couldn't help but make Kasumi chuckle softly. She thought back to all the people aboard the ship remembering Shepard, the action hero, the leader, the savior, the driving force, the _legend_…and thought that most of them probably didn't think of him as 'the model maker' or 'the fish killer'. She smiled again, but let it slide from her features as she saw the blinking message terminal, a flashing green light that told her there were messages that Shepard would never be answering. Kasumi might have opened them if this had been a real heist, enjoying the sordid little details of a being's life, cheating on a lover, buying illicit extranet vids, that kind of small stuff that was always so juicy…but Shep's terminal didn't have the same allure. If you messaged Shep, it was serious.

Kasumi paused at the head of the steps down into the lounge and sleeping area, the amber glow of Shep's armor terminal cast more somber and gentle shadows across the bed. Kasumi heard the music playing from the small clock on Shepard's night stand, but Tali was laying there on her side, head resting on one of the pillows, and the thief knew that couple had been together in that bed only a day before…on the eve of a battle that would decide the war. It was a world apart…a lifetime apart, a lifetime that was gone.

"I wanted to be left alone." Tali said gently from where she lay, the glowing front of her helmet turning slightly over her shoulder to look at the figure standing at the top of the stairs.

"I know." Kasumi said simply and instead of coming closer simply sat down on the stairs, watching the bed.

"Then get out." Tali said sharply, turning back to the side of the bed.

"No." Kasumi said firmly and didn't move.

"Just let me alone." Tali said bitterly.

"I'm not going anywhere." Kasumi replied.

"Why?" Tali asked.

"I know what you're going through."

"No…you don't." Tali snapped back.

"Yeah, I kinda do. Keiji, remember?" Kasumi said, not letting her voice waver at all, but feeling the sting of saying it aloud. She crossed her arms and rested them on her knees.

"Right. Sorry." Tali said abruptly and then lapsed into silence.

"He was…different, wasn't he?" Kasumi said as she watched the fish.

"Like no man I'd ever known." Tali said softly from where she lay.

"The men we love are always like that Tali. If they weren't…we wouldn't care." Kasumi said, her head turning back to look at the young Quarian woman.

"He was…he was a better Quarian that half the Admiralty Board. That's a dumb thing to say…but…he just was…he did everything right, he was the perfect Captain. He wouldn't have had the respect of so many Quarians if he hadn't been. He wouldn't have had my respect…either…" Tali said and Kasumi could hear the emotion beginning to well back up as she spoke, and a soft hiccup of a sob slipped out of her mouth.

"No…he wasn't entirely perfect, was he? Had a nasty habit of picking up thieves, strays and runaways and getting them to save the Galaxy with him." Kasumi said airily.

"…and he snored." Tali added reluctantly.

"Bad?" Kasumi asked with a smile.

"I didn't need to worry about the Normandy being two quiet with him in the room." Tali said.

"Shepard the Legend, Shepard the Hero, Shepard the Modelmaker, Shepard the snorer." Kasumi said replied in a dramatic voice and got what might have been the beginnings of a giggle from Tali, but the sound died in her throat. It was easy to forget for a moment, but it was only a moment. Kasumi didn't say anything more, she just sat there and waiting, knowing that not being thrown out or screamed at or shot was probably a 'good' thing. But just because she hadn't been thrown out didn't mean that the wrong thing wouldn't make Tali decide alone and silent was better than silence with company.

"How do you…how…how did you…" Tali asked at long last, but she couldn't finish her question, instead she trailed off again and Kasumi saw her hand reach up to her faceplate. The Thief didn't know too much about Quarian body language, but sometimes gestures crossed species lines.

"Get better?" Kasumi supplied.

"Yes."

"Who says I did?" Kasumi said and saw Tali roll over and look at her from where she lay on the bed. The thief saw something had been clutched to Tali's chest and was still held firmly in one hand. A picture reader…

"But you're…well…" Tali said and her head tilted to one side, her faintly glowing eyes boring into Kasumi's from across the room.

"Not sobbing in the dark? I still do, sometimes. It never stops hurting, never. Keiji's gone, and I'll never find another man like that. Never. I…accepted…that a long time ago. He showed me things in life that I never thought to look for, he challenged me, and he excited me in ways I'd never known. And he's gone. I still have memories of him, but they're not him. Shep helped me get them back and they helped, but I know they aren't anything like him…they still comfort me though." Kasumi said softly and she saw Tali lift the reader slowly and hold it against her chest.

"It hurts so much." Tali said simply and Kasumi slowly rose and walked over to the bed, sitting down next to her friend and wrapping one arm around her shoulders.

"I know…I really do know. He was my friend Tali, and he did more for me than anybody else in the galaxy after Keiji. I know how you felt about him and I know what you meant to him." Kasumi said and Tali's head sank to rest on her shoulder, the Picture reader still held tight like a security blanket.

"I…talked to his mother…she talked to me actually. I don't know how she found me or even how she knew about me…but she did send me a message. We talked on a comm line for a few minutes…Rear Admiral Shepard managed to pull a little weight, even in all this…she…she sent me these." Tali said weakly and held up the reader for Kasumi to look at, still clutching it so tightly that her hand trembled, as if she were afraid anything less than her strongest grip would allow the reader to flutter away. Kasumi touched the display activation and images began to flicker up on it…a newborn in it's mother's arms, a young child in a nursery, A boy in a park playing catch, a picture of a man in uniform and a child next to him striking a solemn pose next to him…on to a young man in a ship corridor, smiling and staring out into space, a boy wearing athletic gear…a boy with blonde hair and gray eyes…

"Wait…you mean these are…?" Kasumi said, surprised at the pictures flashing across the screen, they all seemed so…normal.

"She sent me a…what do you Humans call it? A…photo archive? What human families keep memories in…we don't take pictures as often as you though…but I understand why. Admiral Shepard thought I'd want something to remember him by. I…I didn't have a picture of him." Tali said as both of them watched the images going by, a teenager, dressed for graduation…then shaking hands with an older man as he's about to board a transport…then that same young man looking far different, tougher, more confident, and dressed in an Alliance Dress uniform and Beret. More pictures, one of another dress uniform with N7 insignia…another of the man…of Shepard receiving promotions, one of a large ceremony with a medal being draped around his neck…by Admiral Hackett. Other pictures filled the screen, some of Shepard that seemed familiar…one on the Citadel, one of him with Kaiden and Ashley on the Citadel…one of he and Joker aboard the new Normandy…

"I never would have thought Shep the kind to be so…sentimental…" Kasumi said, looking at the screen and seeing parts of Shepard's life that she would never have even guessed at.

"Admiral Shepard said that it was normal for them. Shepard was born in space…and his family was always apart, his mother was an officer aboard a ship, his father was a Marine officer, they couldn't keep a child with them when they were deployed…so they kept pictures…lots of pictures." Tali said, her hand reaching out and touching the pause icon to look at the image on the display. It was one of Shepard and Mordin, the Salarian Doctor bent over his lab table and Shepard leaning over him looking down at whatever the doctor had been working on at the time. It was clear that Mordin wasn't too keen on interruptions, but Shepard didn't quite take the hint.

"I remember this one…Mordin was trying to do something with Scale Itch? Some kind of Varren disease? And Shepard kept wanting to hear that Gilbert and Sullivan that Mordin was in. It was kind of funny to see…Shepard just thought it was so…funny." Kasumi said with a chuckle.

"I took that. As a joke. He said he'd deleted it…" Tali said softly and hit the play function, surprisingly, an image of Tali appeared on the screen.

"What is…" Kasumi asked, looking at the image, it was odd to see that in an album that had featured Shepard as the centerpiece.

"I don't know just what Admiral Shepard thinks of me…but she said she knew I was important to him…" Tali said, and it didn't take a leap of imagination to realize that she was crying softly within her helmet again.

"Anyone who knew him knew that Tali." Kasumi said quietly and squeezed her friend tight.

"Tali…this is Joker, I've got something you should hear." Came the helmsman's voice over the speakers inside the Captain's quarters.

"Can it wait Joker?" Kasumi asked sharply.

"I wouldn't be calling if it could." Joker replied, unfazed by Kasumi's retort.

"What is it?"

"It's a message, from Shepard…and it's being transmitted right _now_." Joker said and before he could close the link the Quarian had lunged from the bed, followed only one step behind by Kasumi.

* * *

><p><strong>AN****: I'm focusing on Tali and Garrus for relationships because I am biased towards them as squad mates and they were with Shepard all the way in my game. I can't remember the name of the story where I got the Tali-Kasumi friendship inspiration from, but it was exceptionally well done. The pair seem like they might be friendly, and since most of the other female characters in my play through tend to be…**

…**er…**

…**a little LESS than warm and fuzzy…**


	4. Sacrifice Withheld

**A/N****: I find it very rewarding to see the passionate responses to this story. I'm glad that I can give a few people the endings that they hope for, but I know it won't fit for many of you…each of us has our own ideal, our own history with our own Shep. But I'm glad I can do something for a few of you. It might be cheezy to say that closure is important…but at the end of the day, it's what we all wanted from the game. Some people lost a lot in the game and the endings gave them closure. **

**I've been in plenty of arguments on The Escapist about them…but…well…there's no ending for those of us who fought and won more than we fought and lost.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>**: Sacrifice Withheld. **

**The Normandy**

Tali shot out of the elevator with as much presence as a Krogan barreling against a defensive position. Her lithe body ducked between Miranda and Jacob, sending Miranda flying in surprise and Jacob bouncing off the galaxy map display. Her frenzied dash had her duck around Specialist Traynor who managed to leap out of the way, barely missing Tali's elbow which seemed to be intended to get the technical expert out of the way with little fanfare. She charged down the central corridor and through the main airlock hatch into the cockpit, stumbling and landing with both hands grasping Joker's pilot chair with all the hope and desperation of someone clinging to a life preserver. Behind her ran Kasumi, her dash far more graceful and refined than Tali's but just as intent on reaching the cockpit, although she managed the apologies for Tali's madcap run as she went, 'Sorry, sorry, Shep might not be dead, sorry, bit of a hurry…' she supplied quickly, leaping over Miranda, not sparing a glance at Jacob (for once) and dodging Traynor with a smile. She reached Tali's side as the elevator opened and began dropping off the rest of the ad hoc crew onto the level.

Through some kind of fate, Garrus, Zaeed and Vega piled off, joined immediately after by Major Alenko, Liara, and Cortez, even Samara and Jack seemed rushed as they managed to put up a reasonable struggle with Grunt and push past the massive Krogan. Even Ken, Gabby, and Engineer Adams filed up, everyone forcing their way up to the cockpit and managing to crowd up the one area of the ship that seemed to normally be reserved only for Joker…and whose companions were either Shepard or EDI for the most part. The ship's pilot was more than a little miffed at the sudden horde that was trying to force it's way into _his_ area…although the fact that _all_ of them were more than capable of killing him did make him a little more muted than he might have been.

"Okay, OKAY!" Joker managed to shout, spinning his pilots chair around and looking at the mass of expectant faces, seeing the mixture of hope and pain that he felt mirrored on everyone's faces. Joker's eyes involuntarily settled on Kaidan's, nodding slightly to the Major, and acknowledging the sad fact that the two of them had been with the Commander longer than anyone else aboard the ship…and then realizing that despite that fact that they'd been with him longer than the others, all of them were just as passionate about finding their wayward Spectre.

"Joker, what's going on, tell me you found him!" Tali said quickly before anyone else could speak, she almost reached out to grab his arm, but restrained herself.

"We found a signal from Shepard's Omni tool. Its being broadcast continuously. EDI?" Joker said, nodding to the AI's robotic body.

"Playing message…" EDI supplied and Shepard's voice came over the cockpit speakers clearly as if he were standing in the room with them.

"This is for Tali'Zorah vas Normandy…from…Andrew Shepard…Tali…I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't be there for you. I'm sorry that I can't see you again, or feel your touch, or hold you close. I'm sorry I can't help you build that home on Rannoch. I'm sorry that I won't be there anymore. I wish I were, I wish I could have left this all behind, I wish that I could have ignored all this…I wish that someone else could have done this, and I could have spent the rest of my time on some beach on Rannoch with you. I'll miss it, I'll miss you, I'll miss everything about you…but I'll be here, looking down at you, doing whatever I can to keep you safe. I love you, and I always will, Keelah se'lai." It all came tumbling out of the speakers, clear enough to make Tali closer her eyes and just listen to his voice, biting her lip behind her visor to fight back the tears that were welling up unbidden from that massive pain that had filled her chest and refused to wane in intensity. She could feel Kasumi's arm around her shoulders, but the only thing she could hear was his voice.

"Joker, why are we hearing this now? And why are we the only ones hearing it?" Kaidan asked, forcing his way to the head of the diverse group, he was after all one of the few 'official' Alliance crew…and he was technically the highest ranking officer aboard.

"The transmission was heavily encrypted and transmitted only on a sideband frequency tasked to the Migrant Fleet. Additionally it was low powered and only available in close proximity to the Citadel/Crucible construct. We were the only vessel in position to receive it, the only one with the encryption suite necessary to decode it…and we were the intended recipients." EDI supplied.

"Is he _alive_?" Tali asked.

"Of course he's alive! They haven't made anything yet that will kill Shepard and keep him dead!" Grunt bellowed harshly from his place near the rear of the group.

"It is unknown whether he is alive or not, the transmission is automated." EDI interjected.

"_Where _is the transmission coming from EDI? If we can get a shuttle there, then we can recover…him." Kaidan asked, catching himself from saying the word 'body'.

"I can supply the Co-ordinates, the location is near the Citadel Tower. Though the location does not appear on any known schematic of the Citadel, it is more than likely the product of the Citadel 'repurposing' itself." EDI answered.

"Then we find him and drag his ass back here. Then we'll kill him for being the royal dick he always is and trying to get himself killed." Jack snarled, fist clenched like she was about to try and tear apart an ATLAS mech on her own. Grunt snarled and slapped the smaller human on the back none too gently.

"Goddamn right we will." Zaeed added.

"Alright, Joker, get us down there now, Cortez get the shuttle prepped, Garrus, Tali, with me onboard." Kaidan commanded quickly and pushed through the crew, Garrus and Tali following in his wake, and leaving the expectant knot of beings in silence, a mixture of hope and terror dancing among them. As the four beings made their way to the Elevator, Joker's hands danced across the control board, prepping the ship and only sparing a glance over his shoulder and breaking up the gathering with a terse order.

"Get yourselves strapped in unless you want to fly." Joker snapped and pushed the Normandy's engines so hard that Engineer Adams began running towards the elevator with Gabby and Ken in his wake, more than a little worried at how far their dear pilot would push the ship's systems.

No one made note of the sudden activation and flight of the Normandy from it's waiting station above the Citadel, too many beings were busy ending to their own tasks, some working to save Earth, others trying to repair what they could. One pilot deciding to head towards the Citadel escaped the notice of the Galaxy's fleets.

* * *

><p><strong>UT-47A Kodiak Shuttle<strong>

As the Normandy dove towards the Citadel, Kaidan, Tali and Garrus boarded the Kodiak Shuttle behind Cortez, hurriedly strapping on armor and weapons in an act that was overwhelmingly habit rather than need. With the energy pulse that had erupted from the Citadel/Crucible had rendered the Reapers and all their mutilated and brutal progeny inert. Only hours afterwards it was hard to say what had happened, but most had guessed that the 'minds' of the Reapers had simply been wiped away by some kind of energy pulse which had bounced across the relay network, leaving them all simple lumps of metal. There wasn't exactly any threat, but after gearing up every time you stepped onto the ship, it was hard to break a habit.

But it was hard not to think that it was better safe than sorry.

"You good to fly us out Cortez?" Kaidan asked as he settled his helmet into place.

"I'm fine." Cortez replied evenly as his fingers danced across the controls quickly readying the Kodiak for flight, it wasn't the same one that they'd been flying, the Normandy's shuttle pilot had 'acquired' one after the Reapers has been dealt with.

"You have been flying pretty much constantly for the past twelve hours bringing everyone up to the Normandy, if you need to I can get Vega to fly us out." Kaidan said as his helmet sealed and he leaned into the cockpit.

"No, I'm fine Major. I don't care much about mandatory crew rest right now. Shepard was my friend and I owe him…besides, you need your best shuttle pilot on this." Cortez answered firmly, casting a fierce glance over his shoulder to the Biotic. Alenko nodded slowly.

"Fair enough Lieutenant. We all owe the Commander something." Kaidan said with a smile behind his faceplate.

"You've known him longer than anyone Lieutenant…how does…well…" Cortez said, sounding slightly uncomfortable with the questions, his eyes flicked back to the controls and displays, comfortable that Joker didn't have them in a good launching position yet he turned more fully to face Alenko.

"How does he manage to be so…personable you mean?" Kaidan asked and received a nod in response. He could feel a slight easing of the air between them, it wasn't a professional question, it was more personal.

"He…well, he…helped me let go of my husband and he was a good friend. Even for a CO, he was a good guy, and with aliens, how he managed to get all the other races to work together…how does he do it?" Cortez asked quietly.

"Well, if you ever figure it out, tell me. Somehow…someway…he's just different. I never met someone like him before, ever. He cares about people, he cares about doing things and fixing things…but I dunno how he manages to do it. In another time, I might have said something about divine intervention or even fate…but…" Kaidan said, slightly at a loss for words trying to rationalize and understand just what really motivated his friend.

"He really died, didn't he?" Cortez asked, looking at the controls again.

"Yeah…Joker and I can both say we saw him spaced, Liara found his body…we all believed it…and he came back thanks to Miranda and god only knows what else." Kaidan said and his head turned to look back at Garrus and Tali, both of them were silent.

"It's like he was fated for all this." Cortez replied.

"I hope not." Kaidan said without hesitation, turning back to the pilot.

"What do you mean?"

"Because I don't think that someone who's given everything in a fight like this that he deserved to die. Do you?" Kaidan asked and saw Cortez's head drop slightly.

"If anyone deserves to lay on a beach somewhere, it's him." Cortez said softly before looking up at the Major.

"Yeah…and we're going to find him and bring him back. I don't know what we're going to find on the Citadel…but no matter what," Kaidan said and glanced back to Tali, frowning sadly at the young woman sitting there, head bowed, shoulders slouched. It was hard to tell if she was numb to everything or sad…but Kaidan couldn't blame her either way. "…no matter what, we're going to give a lot of people some closure. We won the war, but I don't think anyone will be happy if they don't know what happened to their savior."

"The galaxy want's to canonize him…even the Batarians." Cortez said, his head rising again.

"Yeah…that's Shepard being Shepard…I still don't know how he managed to get the remnants of the Batarian fleet, but then I don't really know how he got the Geth and Quarians to set aside a three century long war, or how he got the Genophage cured and got the Turians and Krogan to set aside their own feud." Alenko said, still disbelieving at the things Shepard had done. Managing any one of them had been beyond the capabilities of scores of diplomats and generations of beings, but Shepard…he'd just walked in and gotten things done as if it were nothing.

"Yeah…came back from the grave once…think he'll do it again?" Cortez said.

"I'd never bet against Shepard, not anymore. If he says that his next goal is converting Turians to eat levo-amino acid foods and Cure Keprals syndrome before lunch…I'd tell him I've always wanted to try that…Macaroni and cheese thing…" Garrus said from where he sat next to Tali, a smile on his face. Tali looked up and Kaidan could almost see the hard blink behind the view plate.

"I'm inclined to agree." Kaidan said with a nod. Garrus settled his helmet on and the cockpit hatch slid shut.

"Joker, we ready?"

"You're cleared for launch Major, I've moved you in as close as possible to the location that Shepard's transmission is coming from, Sensors aren't reading anything that could be considered an entrance…so I don't know. He's not responding to hails either. Good luck, Kaidan." Joker said.

"Thanks Joker, we'll get him back." Kaidan said and he felt the Kodiak shudder and launch from the bay. Taking hold of the overhead bar, the Major looked to the vid plate and looked at the massive shape of the Citadel Tower hanging in front of him.

"I remember in C-Sec they said that only a third of the actual Citadel had been mapped by anyone. It's mostly an unknown factor, Keepers are the only ones that have access to most of it…and everyone just accepted it. Didn't ask questions…or didn't even try to study the Keepers…well, there was that Salarian." Garrus said.

"You mean Chorban? That scientist who had us running around scanning them back when we first met Shepard?" Tali interjected.

"Yeah…I wonder what happened with him."

"Most of the reports we got from the teams checking the Citadel aren't good…apparently there were a lot of Husks on the Wards harvesting people…they're founding survivors, but…well…there are a lot of dead people out there." Kaidan said.

"There are a lot of dead people everywhere." Tali said grimly and Garrus looked over at her in surprise as he slipped on his helmet.

"Yeah, you're right." Kaidan replied with a weary sigh.

"Major, I'm moving us as close to the transmission location as possible. I think there's a viewport here, I'm moving closer…" Cortez said and Kaidan's eyes darted back to the monitor. He saw the strange opening appear.

"Is it some kind of transparency?" Kaidan asked.

"I don't know, sensors don't show anything there." Cortez answered, clearly trying to figure it out for himself.

"Probably an energy shield." Garrus said.

"I've never seen that before in Reaper or Collector tech." Tali added, rising up to get a closer look at the monitor, followed by Garrus. The trio leaned closer and tried to gaze in.

"I see…something in there…power must have failed, it's dark…hold on…" Cortez said and suddenly the shuttle's landing lights blazed into being, illuminating the large chamber hidden behind the…something…

"I see bodies…three of them…that's…Shepard." Cortez said.

"Alright, bring us closer and we're going EVA, we need to get in closer and try to get in there. We ready?" Kaidan said, his hand touching the hatch controls. The air vented from the chamber and the hatch slid open. Leaning out, Kaidan gazed in at where the bodies lay and slowly pushed off towards the Citadel Tower. His fingers reached out and touched the metallic surface, the glove's magnetic system activating and sticking him to the surface. He looked up as Garrus and Tali followed, the Quarian didn't seem at all unnerved by it, but Garrus looked as if he would much rather be fighting Reapers than floating in zero-g…but the Turian wasn't going to let personal discomfort keep him from helping his friend.

Kaidan reached out and tapped on what rested there and felt…something…

"It feels like a physical barrier, I don't know any other way to put it. I've never seen energy shielding before, but I think it would be…energy related, not solid." Kaidan said over the comms and Tali reached out to push it slightly.

"You're right…maybe we can burn through it. Garrus, you have the thermite?" Tali said, looking up as Garrus merely crouched on the hull and watched the pair examining the barrier.

"Affirmative, it's simple, but it should work…this stuff will burn through Dreadnought plating." Garrus said with a nod and reached his gauntleted hands into a satchel pouch on his armor, pulling out several rolls of thick tape. He handed it off to Kaidan and Tali and the two quickly made an outline on the transparency. Garrus provided the detonator.

"We don't know if that chamber is open to vacuum. If it's pressurized…then we kill Shepard…" Kaidan said.

"And if it's not, he's already dead." Tali said finally.

"Yeah…well, at least have Cortez bring the shuttle closer, if it is pressurized, we can get Shepard into the shuttle and get him to the Normandy." Garrus said and Kaidan nodded. A few Commands brought the Shuttle drifting closer and hanging a few feet from the entry, close enough for them to touch. Kaidan took a deep breath and nodded slightly to the others. Garrus lifted the detonator and hooked his talon on the firing ring. He pulled the ring and a low flash came from the detonator cord then the thermite blazed into existence. Blazing white erupted and the thermite steadily burned inwards, a modification of a human compound intended to burn towards the 'sticky' side of the tape, allowing it to be used for breaching starships during boarding actions and when artificial gravity was deactivated. The compound blazed through the transparency and gas began to bleed through the edges.

"It's pressurized, shit." Garrus said and he moved to bring his foot down on the center of the cut out portion. It knocked in for a quarter of an inch and then blasted out and into the shuttle with the force of escaping atmosphere. Garrus reeled and grabbed at the hull. Kaidan reached for the hole and the silent force of atmosphere erupting from the hole sent him reeling too, he grabbed at the edge, but Tali was the one who actually made it in. Completely shocked by the show of strength, Kaidan could only keep a gauntlet hooked on the edge of the still hot opening as Tali pulled her way in, grabbing for the metallic edges to 'grab' onto, and pull herself against the massive force of pressure pushing against her. Kaidan grunted and followed behind her, forcing his way through the hole and locking his arms around it to try and stop the atmosphere bleed. Garrus grabbed and did the same, both their bodies pressing against the hole in an impromptu seal, air still rushed out around them, but Tali could move.

"Get…him…now…" Kaidan said, grunting in pain at the strength he was using to try and keep from being blown out. Both he and Garrus knew the risks, if they made a mistake, if they slipped, they'd have one chance before they went flying into space.

"On it!" Tali shouted, standing up and struggling forward across the deck, bent double against the rushing wind. She staggered towards the control panel and the inert form of Shepard.

"Is that…Anderson?" Garrus grunted, gazing in as his talons hooked on the edge of the hole behind Kaidan.

"No time! Get Shepard!" Kaidan snapped, and he knew he didn't have to order it, there was no way that Tali was going to grab anyone but her lover. Her hands reached out and grabbed his arms, dragging him from where he slouched, pulling him across the deck with the force of the air.

"Cortez! Get ready! We have one shot and one shot only." Garrus said, watching Tali struggle with Shepards body and refusing to admit just how very damaged the Commander was.

"I'm here, hatch open, you let go, you'll get blown right into the bay, we'll only have a few seconds of exposure to hard vac." Cortez said and the shuttle bucked slightly in the jet stream emerging from the opening. Kaidan looked back and then looked at Tali, the young Quarian was lifting up Shepards body, straining under the weight. Kaidan took one hand off the edge of the transparency, grabbing Shepard's arm and feeling the skin slough under his grip. The Biotic officer forced himself not to gag at the sensation beneath his glove. Tali pushed up, and Kaidan held on fast.

"GO!" Kaidan ordered and pushed off, pulling Shepard backwards through the hole. Garrus let go as well and the pair flew back into the shuttle, Shepard in tow. Kaidan held onto Shepard's body tight to keep him from flopping around. Behind them, Tali scrambled through the opening and dove into the shuttle as well. She landed more gracefully than Kaidan or Garrus, managing to slam her clenched fist onto the hatch controls, sealing it and pressurizing the troop bay. Air hissed in as she dropped to her knees over Shepard's inert form.

"Andrew? Talk to me, please. Wake up!" Tali said, her hands grabbing at the charred armor plates shaking him. Garrus sat up and looked at Shepard, really looked at him. His armor was torn apart, skin was flayed from his exposed arms and legs, what intact skin there was had a hideous mass of black and blue covering it. His face was covered in blood, most of it black and dried. He wasn't moving, wasn't responding, wasn't doing anything.

"Cortez, Normandy, now. Have Doctor Michel ready in sickbay!" Kaidan ordered and moved out from under Shepard, he pulled off his helmet and yanked off a glove. His bare fingers reached down to feel at Shepard's throat, and the feeling became more frantic, more urgent, and with every shift of his fingers, Alenko's expression became more dire.

"Kaidan? What's wrong?" Garrus said…and Tali softly shook Shepard by his shoulders, and nothing happened. His eyes remained closed and un-responsive, Kaidan reached up and lifted an eye-lid. He leaned close and looked into the Commander's eye and winced.

"I…he's…" He began mournfully.

"No…NO." Tali said fervently as she looked down at Shepard.

"He's gone." Garrus said, and reached out one hand to stop Tali from shaking his shoulders any more. She shook it off violently.

"NO. No he's NOT. He wanted to…he said he'd…" Tali said and her faceplate remained fixed on Shepard's mangled face. She reached out and lightly touched his cheek.

"I'm sorry Tali…I'm so sorry." Garrus said.

"I…I lost my father to a war I didn't want to fight…I lost…I lost him…" She began softly and Kaidan touched her shoulder gently, slowly pulling her away. Garrus gently folded Shepard's arms across his chest.

"He…he died for all of us Tali. He saved everyone, everyone alive, everyone who will ever live. He's their savior." Garrus said, touching his friend's shoulder gently in admiration.

"I never wanted a savior. I wanted someone to love." Tali said quietly and lapsed into silence. The shuttle shuddered as it docked with the Normandy and the hatch slid open. Garrus bent down and he lifted Shepard off the deck, holding the human's body in his arms and slowly carrying it across the Hangar. They were all there…every single one that was Shepard's friend, every one of his crew were standing there, watching. None of them rushed up to Garrus as he carried their friend towards the elevator. They slowly passed by the crew, from Ken and Gabby standing there in silence behind Engineer Adams. Grunt stood, his massive bulk and head bowed low in respect for his battle master. Jack staring on, looking like she was about to scream and rage, but merely muted by the shock of it. Jacob shaking his head slowly with a stony expression for his lost friend. Kasumi looking like she'd lost everything and had her heart smashed to boot. Miranda looking like the icy façade she had was about to crack and let lose the pain deep within her. Samara stood with her hands clasped together, head bowed and finding her own outlet in prayer. Zaeed…Zaeed looked dumbstruck by death vesting itself on someone who'd seemed to be indestructible. Liara stood and tears rolled down her face, one hand reaching out slightly as if she wanted to touch Shepard's body, to prove that it was real…perhaps to try and shake him awake like Tali had done. Javik watched and crossed his hands, whether in silent contemplation or in prayer it was uncertain…but the Prothean was mourning an equal. At the elevator, Vega stood solemn, his body locked in a parade ground perfect salute…along with Specialist Traynor.

The procession stepped into the elevator and the doors slid shut, carrying them up to the crew deck and the medical bay. They stepped out and Garrus carried Shepard down the hall, Tali and Kaidan behind. They walked into the medical bay and Doctor Michel stood, the expression on her face one of her own sorrow. She started to move towards them, but Kaidan's slight shake of his head stopped her and elicited a nod of her own. There was no need, there was no pulse…he was gone.

"I…I'm so sorry Tali…and you Garrus." Doctor Michel said sadly and touched Tali's arm as Garrus lay his commander down on the medical bed. The Quarrian nodded lightly and sat on the other bed, her hand still touching Shepard's arm. Doctor Michel reached out and touched Garrus's arm gently, making the Turian turn in surprise, and then with even more surprise he felt Doctor Michel hug him tightly. He didn't pull away, merely accepting the gesture for a few moments before the Doctor pulled away, her eyes looking into Garrus's for a long heartbeat before she turned to Major Alenko.

"Major…he was your friend too…" She said and reached out to give him some small measure of tenderness, but the Major turned.

"He was a lot of people's friends…and…they have to know." Kaidan said sadly, knowing exactly who 'they' were. He walked towards the door, his hand reaching up and touching his ear.

"Joker…open a line to Admiral Hackett. Tell him we…" Alenko began, but was interrupted by the long loud inhalation that came from the room behind him…and by the sudden scream from Tali that cut the air and made everyone's heads whip back to the medical beds.

"KEELAH! SHEPARD!"

Doctor Michel was the first to respond, diving towards the bed and grabbing for her equipment, belting off orders without a moment's hesitation.

"Garrus, get her out! Major Alenko, I need Doctor T'soni and Miranda here now!" Doctor Michel ordered and her hands began flying over Shepards form, grabbing for an oxygen mask to clamp over her newly breathing patient and then reaching for a hypo. She could see Shepard's eyes darting about, and saw him shaking, stirring and struggling, trying to move, trying to get up. It was impossible, he couldn't be alive, but without a doubt, he was alive…

Crimson blood began to ooze from Shepard's wounds, flowing so freely that it was dripping down the edges of the bed. Swearing lightly, she glanced up and made note that Garrus was holding back Tali outside the viewing window, and Major Alenko was no where to be seen. Michel pressed the Hypo to Shepards neck then slowly withdrew it.

"Commander Shepard, can you hear me? This is Doctor Michel, you're in the medical bay on the Normandy, you're very badly injured. Please stop struggling! I need you conscious and focused. Tell me, do you know who you are?" Doctor Michel practically screamed as Shepard dried to rise up off the bed and she pressed him down, skin coming off of his arms as she grabbed them. Ignoring the disturbing sensation, she pressed the hypo to his neck and saw Shepard's movements begin to weaken. He was confused and panicking…and considering the fact that she would have been certain he was dead a minute before, it was understandable.

"Doctor? What is going- By the Goddess! Shepard!" Liara said in shock from the door.

"Doctor! I need five units of O negative blood now! That case on the other side of the chamber, now." Doctor Michel ordered smoothly. Behind her Miranda rushed up.

"Doctor…why do you need me here?"

"I need to know what you put inside him Ms Lawson. He was dead a minute ago." Michel said calmly as her hands began checking Shepard for injuries and coming up with a very grim list.

"What do you mean?" Miranda said as Liara brought several containers of fresh blood over to the Doctor working frantically on her patient.

"You brought him back, I need to know what you put in him and what is going on inside him. He's alive but I don't know what is going to happen without your help." Michel said, her hands grabbing a unit of blood and working swiftly to ready an IV.

"I…understand Doctor." Miranda said and headed for the room's terminal.

"Doctor…will he live?" Liara asked, her eyes looking at the injuries that covered her friend and wincing with each new one her eyes fell upon.

"All of his exposed skin is necrotic, he's covered with extensive trauma, his armor is fused with his body in several locations, he's had extensive blood loss and exposure to hard vacuum. I am unsure what the causes are and the nature of any internal injuries. I need every bit of information Doctor T'soni." Doctor Michel said, not looking up at the Asari scientist.

"I'm not a medical doctor."

"You have much more experience than most Doctor, I need 30cc's of Termoculazine and I need that information Miranda." Doctor Michel said, oblivious to the audience that was standing at the windows to the medical bay and watching every motion, all eyes looking at Shepard and watching…hoping.

Hoping that their commander, their leader…their friend survived something that no being had any reason or right to survive once, let alone a second time. Hoping that their commander would get a chance to leave death behind and live…and see the end of the war that he had waged when everyone else said he was insane, when the galaxy refused to listen to him. To have a chance to live in the galaxy that he had saved and see some kind of future after he'd done more than any other being in history to make the galaxy 'right'.

Every one there believed that he'd earned that much…at least.


	5. Questions with no Answers

**A/N**:** Glad to see the positive interest in the story guys, and I'm glad that you're all interested in this ending. Sorry I've been quiet, but I was on vacation seeing my Girlfriend out west for the first time in months, so…yeah, I'm not that sorry about being offline for a week.**

**Okay, on with the story…**

**No…NO…NO…wait, I do need to say something…I've avoided saying negative things about Bioware's choice of ending, my having to WRITE A FANFIC FOR CLOSURE should say enough… But I swear to almighty whatever, in the past weeks I've been reading EVERY Mass Effect 3 ending comment thread that I can find, and the more I read, the angrier I get. Because it's not just the one topic getting hashed over and over again…it's DIFFERENT ones. It's NEW ISSUES that are completely unrelated to anything they've said before. Fans keep finding things that make the endings WORSE. **

**I took a break to read the Bioware Social Network forums and I saw a thread on the ME3 issue of Game Informer, and now I see that they're doing an 'extended edition' of Mass Effect 3 for free to give fans better closure…guess what, I don't want your Closure anymore Bioware, I don't want your 'artistic' idea, I don't want your Hobson's choice, I don't want to have you explain how your space magic causing me to kill the Reapers, and the Geth, and myself, and logically the Quarians, and logically every Biotic in the galaxy, and logically anyone with a prosthetic limb or medical implant, or anything else.**

**I don't want to hear how your space magic manage to make every organic part synthetic and every synthetic part organic…it's magic. There's no fucking explanation, just magic. A hand-wave with NO explanation. At least THE FORCE was a good hand-wave before Midichlorians came along. (and don't get me started on why complete technical explanation in Star Wars is wrong and why complete technical explanation in Star Trek is right. For now 'it just IS' will have to suffice.)**

**And I don't want to hear about how space magic lets Shepard control the Reapers when anyone else who tried to do that got indoctrinated, and everyone who thought that trusting them, working with them, interacting with them, or doing anything remotely related to them was…indoctrinated! Seriously, I've heard the indoctrination argument, and there are some excessively compelling points, but really…I don't think they've got the skills or competency to do something that good at Bioware anymore.**

**I want my ending, I want THIS ending. I want an ending with fulfillment, with suffering and joy, with triumph and not just pure loss.**

**Okay, now after that moment of mindless rage…on with my story. **

**PS: **_**Anyone from the Bioware Writing staff reading this? Come on, send me a line and we'll talk. My starting requirements is you giving me Casey Hudson's net pay for the entire development/creation period of ME3 as the signing bonus and I get to punch him in the throat. (And that's just for the comments in the Mass Effect 3 interview with Game informer, I'm not gonna even touch the 'it's to videogamey' comment. That requires a baseball bat with a copy of X-Com duck-taped to it.)**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 5:<strong>** Questions with no Answers**

**SSV Normandy**

Normally, the windows into the med bay were transparent, allowing Doctor Michel to look out into the galley and crew common area. It was a nice feature for the Doctor to enjoy and gave the crew deck a more airy feeling. But those windows could opaque to block out the casual eyes of crewmembers who were trying to eat lunch rather than get a glimpse of what 'nasty rash' their crewmate might be having examined. The windows were opaque now, but it wasn't because the people crowding the mess area didn't want to see in, it was because Doctor Michel didn't want to have them see just what was going on with Commander Shepard and his miraculous…reanimation.

Despite technological development and the glittering achievements that medicine could look back on, some things were still…unpleasant to behold. Medigel can work miracles, but the blood still flows. Organs can be cloned and grafted from your own flesh, but the old ones still need removed, skin can be regenerated in days, but charred flesh still needs to be abraded from muscle and sinew. Despite a thousand years of medical advancement and development in Citadel Space, despite centuries of Human development…sometimes medicine still resembled little more than butcher's work. Which was why Doctor Michel had opaque the windows, and why Liara and Miranda had left the medical bay. Miranda on the verge of throwing up, and Liara having done so and looking almost humanly pale at what she'd been trying to help the Doctor with. After the two semi-assistants had been ushered out of the room, the only member of the crew to enter the bay was EDI, the one who lacked a sense of nausea.

The rest of the crew sat or stood in the crew area, waiting and watching, glancing at chrono functions on Omni-tools, or merely residing in silence. They all looked at the opaque windows, then at the door. To each of them, there was nothing more important than waiting for whatever word might come through the door, whatever Doctor Michel might see fit to tell them. But it had been eight hours, eight hours of silence outside, eight hours of slight glances and shakes of heads, of sighs and glances at walls and bulkheads. Eight hours of painful, total and utter silence. No one uttered a word, none wanted to say anything, as if a collective fear that any kind of speculation or commentary would break some rule and cause Doctor Michel to step out and announce that Shepard had passed away.

The collective startle that came from the beings waiting in the mess area rippled outwards from the medical bay as Doctor Michel stepped out, her hands and arms covered in blood that she was wiping away with a towel, and rather simple surgical garb covering her body, a hairnet, a face and eye shield, gloves. Simple things that hadn't changed over time in human medicine, sure there were sterilization fields and low grade barriers to keep particles and infectious substances out of a surgical field, but sometimes things had to get simple. As Doctor Michel slowly wiped blood from her hands she saw the pained expressions on the faces of the crew and bit her lip gently.

"Commander Shepard is stable…" Doctor Michel managed and was immediately drowned out by the overwhelming emotion that was released…from Grunt's roar of triumph and hammering his fists on his chest in a battle triumph, to Jack bursting into tears and cheering alongside Miranda, Jacob covering his mouth and seeming torn between a laugh and a cheer, to Tali's hands covering her faceplate as Kasumi hugged her tightly with one arm and Garrus patted her on the back gently. Zaeed smiling and shaking his head while Vega clapped him on the back, Kaidan letting out a long sigh of relief, and Liara hugging Javik as she cried, much to the Prothean's chagrin and surprise. Doctor Michel held up her bloodstained hands for silence and almost couldn't bring herself to speak. She sighed softly as the extreme joy slowly ebbed from the room and the tension rose back to touch all their hears as each one saw Doctor Michel's expression.

"Commander Shepard is stable, but there were complications. He narrowly avoided being killed by Harbinger's main weapon. He also spent at least twenty four hours wounded and was exposed to hard vacuum. I…I must stress that it's miraculous he's even alive, he was clinically dead when he arrived in the medical bay, he possessed no neural activity…so his body…well…" Doctor Michel said and slowly walked away from the medical bay and into the midst of the crew to touch one of the data displays in the mess area. She stripped off one of her gloves and began tapping controls, bringing up medical information.

"I think you all have a right to see this, but I warn you that he is in…extremely tenuous straights." Doctor Michel said and looked around at the faces watching her, making eye contact with unspoken warning before she turned back to the display screen. An image of a human outline appeared on the screen.

"First, his exposed skin was largely necrotic from being burned and suffering from extreme trauma in the blast overpressure…I was forced to…remove the dead flesh over his arm and face, he's currently been treated with medigel and sterile coverings on the exposed tissue. His major sense organs were slightly compromised, his right eye was…severely traumatized by the concussive force and…well, he's blind in his right eye, along with suffering from near full hearing loss. But those are easily correctible with further surgical intervention. His armor was fused to his body in multiple locations, the synthetic fibers burned and melted to him, I had to surgically remove his armor from his upper dermal layers, he sustained further burns beneath it and I had to scour much of his body's surface…" Doctor Michel said in a calm, clinical voice, almost sounding like she had no emotion, but the slight pause was enough to let everyone know that she cared about the commander just as much as anyone else aboard the ship.

"…but…I was forced to amputate his legs beneath the knees, and his right arm. The bio scans showed bone necrosis from an unknown source, and I didn't have the resources or the capability to research the cause before the necrosis posed a greater risk to his devastated immune system. The limbs can be replaced with prosthetics of course, but…well…he's alive. His…internal organs…I do not know where to begin…but suffice to say all the cybernetic implants that were emplaced within Commander Shepard's body were compromised. Some, like his dermal armor and muscle enhancements, are a non-issue, but the implants that were added by Cerberus have been a liability. For the moment, Shepard is on life support, his heart and lungs were augmented with cybernetics and those cybernetics have become erratic. For the moment, he is stabile, but he's going to need more procedures in future."

"But he's alive?" Came Tali's quiet voice from the back of the group, she was still flanked by Garrus and Kasumi, but her faceplate was gazing intently at the image on the screen that Doctor Michel was referencing.

"Yes…but there is…another issue." Doctor Michel said and her hand touched the controls again, bringing up an image of a human brain.

"Physically, he is in dire straights, but barring massive infection or other complications, he can recover from his wounds with cloned organs and prosthetics. There is a more …central issue. This is a scan of commander Shepard's brain currently…" Doctor Michel said and then made a few more motions on the screen, bringing up other scans. Arrayed in a line, the one at the left seemed to be bright and alive, glowing with activity throughout the entirety of the Commander's mind…then slowly darkness had begun to spread through it, erupting in previously bright areas to replace it with…nothing…

"…and this is a comparison of his neurological scans from his first contact with the Prothean Beacon on Eden Prime to his most recent one. It shows a neurological decay throughout his mind that is consistent with indoctrination…" Doctor Michel said grimly. The images were date stamped and many of the crew knew most by heart…one after the Beacon on Eden Prime, another after the Beacon on Virmire, one after the battle with Saren, one after his resurrection, one after entering the Collector Ship, another after the Collector Hive, another after destroying the Relay in the Bahak system…prior to that all the degradation was slow, small increments barely registering on their own…after Bahak…the blackness expanded rapidly.

"You mean…the Reapers were doing to him what they did to Saren, to the Illusive Man?" Garrus asked in horror.

"Exactly. What we know of Indoctrination is that it can be slow or fast…and given the Commander's central role and exposure to the Reapers, their technology and being a consistent foe, they sought to control him…or at least degrade him." Doctor Michel supplied.

"The research that was mined on Sanctuary and the Illusive Man's base tells us that Indoctrination is inevitable, organic minds can't resist it." Miranda said, her eyes fixed on the brain scans.

"Correct."

"But Shepard was stronger, he fought it and resisted it." Jacob replied.

"No one can resist indoctrination forever. Every mind falls to it's sway eventually." Miranda said darkly.

"So you're telling us that he's basically a husk?" Kaidan asked.

"We don't know what he is right now. These scans don't show a mind that's been indoctrinated. It shows overwhelming neural decay, _that_ is what concerns me. Shepard is currently in a medical coma, I can't be sure of what his reactions will be once he's woken up. He's also sustained brain damage from blood loss and the possible damage he received from the reaper weapon." Doctor Michel said.

"Is he…will he…will he remember us?" Tali said softly from her place at the back of the group, and the question was punctuated by nods and nervous looks throughout the group.

"From what Miranda's information tells me, during Shepard's rehabilitation in the Lazarus program several steps were taken to 'harden' his nervous system and his brain from damage, including a series of nano-scale 'scrubbers' to attempt to keep his blood free of carbon dioxide and attempt to continue feeding oxygen to his brain. His dermal armor and other self defense additions should have protected his mind against more mundane forms of injury that could affect his memory, but the indoctrination is what concerns me the most."

"So you just don't know." Jack said bluntly, staring at Doctor Michel as she sighed and finally shook her head.

"No, I don't. But, once he has rested, I think that there is a way to discover the extent of his damage. With Doctor T'Soni's assistance, we can see just what may have gone wrong in the Commander's mind." Doctor Michel said.

"How can I be of help Doctor?" Liara asked.

"You've delved into the Commander's mind before. Haven't you?" Michel asked.

"Yes…to help understand the Prothean Message, of course, and to share my memories with him before the final fight in London. How can that help you Doctor?"

"I'm not an expert on neurology or the Asari bonding methods, but if I'm not mistaken, your interactions with Shepard's mind may have acclimatized his mind to the touch of yours. If that's true then you would hold a similar imprint with his, in essence, if you bonded with his you'd 'remember' his mind, and possibly, he would remember yours." Michel said.

"To see just how healthy his consciousness is." Liara supplied.

"Precisely, but…there is a risk." Michel began slowly, but was interrupted by Miranda.

"If Shepard is indoctrinated, there is a chance that it could infect your mind and your way of thinking." Miranda said grimly.

"If that's the only risk I need to take for Shepard, it's rather safer than most he's had all of us take. When do you want me to attempt this?" Liara said dryly and heard a few laughs in the room.

"Tomorrow at the earliest, he has gone through an incredible strain, and his body needs some time to cope with the trauma that it's gone through." Michel said and slowly the group broke up, not wanting to pressure the tired doctor further, but it was no surprise that three beings stayed behind as Doctor Michel sat down on the mess table. Tali walked up beside Garrus, and Liara remained standing next to the tired doctor.

"Doctor…would it be possible for us to…see him?" Tali asked and Doctor Michel looked up slightly, frowning as if she were torn between two conflicting emotions.

"…no…no not yet Tali. I'm worried about infection, and you can certainly understand that." Doctor Michel said sadly and braced herself for the protest, but the Quarian merely nodded.

"I understand…thank you Doctor…for everything." Tali said and Garrus gently led her away from the weary doctor. Liara lingered, watching Michel for a few long moments before speaking.

"Why didn't you let Tali be with him? She loves him dearly…and…" Liara said softly as Doctor Michel looked at her with hard eyes. Liara's voice died at the sight of such an uncharacteristic expression etched on the weary doctor's face.

"Do you know what he looks like right now?" Doctor Michel said slightly harshly, and Liara's eyes widened nervously. Michel slowly stood up and sighed, her hand rubbing her eyes gently and sighing.

"I…no Doctor, I don't."

"Right now he's lying on a bed in there covered in bandages from nearly head to toe, his legs are gone from the knees down, his arm is gone, he's breathing through tubes that are running oxygen into his lungs and sucking away waste gasses. There is nothing visible of his body, and the only thing you can see other than bandages is blood. He could still die Liara, he could still slip away and there might not be anything I can do to stop it. If he's fine tomorrow, if he lives through tomorrow, then he might, _might_ survive the trauma his body has gone through. A lesser man than him would have died by now, but he lived. But there's a chance, a disturbingly large chance that he might not. So I'm going to let Tali, and you, and Garrus and everyone else keep the Shepard they know to remember him if he does die. Understand?" Doctor Michel said sharply, and all Liara could do was nod, wide eyed. They both glanced over as Grunt sauntered back into the crew lounge and sat down next to the door to the medical bay, leaning back against the bulkhead with his Claymore resting on his crossed legs.

"I'm sorry doctor…" Liara said softly.

"No…I'm sorry Liara…I've…I've seen a lot of patients die, and I've seen the pain in the eyes of the people who they leave behind when their last memory is of…well, a stranger on a bed. I don't want anyone here to remember Shepard like that if they don't have to." Michel said simply and her hand reached out to touch Liara's arm gently. The Asari nodded slowly and turned to head back to her quarters. Doctor Michel walked back to the medical bay and met Grunt's eyes as he sat by the door.

"Grunt…what are you doing?"

"Guarding my Battlemaster." The Krogan warrior said simply and Michel nodded.

"No one comes in without my permission, understood?" Doctor Michel said, and the massive Krogan heard the tone of command in the diminutive human's voice, nodding without hesitation.

"Yes, Doctor." Grunt replied and Doctor Michel walked through the door into the medical bay, pausing as the scents of surgery and sickness assailed her senses. She'd begun to ignore the odors that a human body could produce, but the fresher air of the crew area had made them more powerful. Her eyes glanced over at the bed which had been a makeshift surgical bay and she swallowed hard as she looked at her patient lying in the harsh glow of the sterile field generators. He truly was covered in bloody bandages that oozed medigel and covered up his surgical wounds. No one in the galaxy could picture Shepard in this kind of condition, perhaps Jacob and Miranda could, they'd seen the Commander dropped from orbit. But somehow, this seemed to be worse, the physical damage was dealt with somewhat, but the most devastating thing inflicted upon this hero's body was what had been done to his mind…and that was something that medicine could not quite rectify.

"Doctor, the patient remains stable." EDI said from her place near Shepard's surgical bed. The robotic form that EDI 'inhabited' was swathed in the same surgical clothing that Doctor Michel wore, and held a similar amount of blood from the operation.

"Thank you EDI. I'm glad you could help me, without you, I fear that I wouldn't have been able to save him." Michel said as she slowly sank into the chair at her desk, turning to look at Shepard resting on the bed.

"You are welcome. I am glad that I could do something to assist with Shepard's situation." EDI said, her gaze not leaving the prone form of the Commander, more than likely examining his internal status by reading his monitors and readouts internally.

"I'm glad you were here." Doctor Michel said once more, sounding more exhausted than she had before sitting down. She slowly reclined in the chair and closed her eyes, willing to let EDI stand vigil over the commander while the doctor managed to recover slightly from the long ordeal of eight hours of procedures. It was barely a moment before she lapsed into a light doze, not leaving her patient, but too exhausted to keep standing.

* * *

><p>"What do we tell the galaxy? I think they might want to hear something about the commander doing another 'surviving the impossible' act." Joker said from his seat in the cockpit, though his head was turned to one side to glance at Kaidan as he looked out into the blackness beyond that was filled with a thousand points of life, each one denoting a starship that was a part of the vast armada that had faced the Reapers. His eyes were narrowed and even though his gaze seemed fixed, he didn't see any of them.<p>

"I don't know Joker. We don't even know if Shepard is still Shepard. Doctor Michel isn't sure…and we can't even be sure that Liara's poking around will tell us…and he could…" Kaidan said softly trailing off.

"No…he's not going to die." Joker said firmly.

"We don't know Joker. We just don't know." Kaidan answered, turning away from the viewport to look at the pilot, the other officer's face locked in challenge.

"He's been through worse. We both know that." Joker said sharply.

"Yeah…but this time might be the one. Everyone's luck runs out at some point Joker, we both know that."

"Yeah, but he's not everybody, he's Shepard." Joker responded fiercely.

"I know…I know…but what the hell am I supposed to tell everyone out there Joker? We don't know what's going to happen with him…and I don't want every ship out there bearing down on us to give reverence to the man that saved everyone in the galaxy." Kaidan said and gestured futilely at the window.

"We don't have to tell them anything Major." Joker said.

"We have to tell them something, we can't just hide him." Kaidan replied.

"We're giving him time to recover." Came Vega's voice from behind the pair. Kaidan and Joker both looked back at the Alliance Marine walking through the hatch behind Joker's station.

"Someone has to know he's not MIA anymore." Kaidan said firmly.

"He's not MIA until we tell them he's not MIA…if we don't tell them, they won't know." Joker said.

"I like the logic of it…" Vega added and Kaidan sighed slightly. Even though they were all Alliance and were bound by the rules of the chain of command, speaking about Shepard made them all somewhat equal. For the moment, rank didn't matter, simply trying to figure out how to deal with a Commander whose body was back from the grave, and whose mind might be tenuous at best…it made some things more important than who you were supposed to salute.

"Let's just give Liara a chance to check and make sure that his brain is all there. Then we can let the galactic powers know their hero is still alive. He's still got that one arm he can do autographs with, doesn't he?" Joker said with a smile. Despite the bleak prospects for Shepard, it was enough to make the three men who'd served with the commander through so many challenges laugh.

"Alright…you win Lieutenant Moreau, we'll wait, and spend some time thinking about just who we want to play us in the vids they're going to make of us." Kaidan said with a slight smile gracing his features.

"I'm playing myself Major, like Audie Murphy." Vega said with a grin, making Alenko simply shake his head at the words coming from Vega's mouth.

"Good luck with that one Vega, I think that muscle bound maniac is something that the WWE looks for in it's actors, not actual movie companies." Joker muttered.

* * *

><p>"What are you going to do when he get's better?" Kasumi asked quietly. Tali was back on Shepard's bed, though this time she was sitting at the head, her arms wrapped around her legs as they were tucked against her chest, her faceplate looking at the reader resting on them. She hadn't said much since they'd heard the short explanation of Shepard's status. A lot of speculation was going on throughout the ship, everyone had their own thoughts on what Shep might be like after he woke up…but Tali had been very tight lipped on the matter. She hadn't said a word since Kasumi and Garrus had gotten he back up to bed, and despite the 'sisterhood' of the pair, the Turian had remained in the room, sitting at Shepard's couch and watching Tali quietly.<p>

"Well, I know I owe him a lot of drinks…but then half the galaxy's combined militaries feel like they owe him drinks…the female half probably feels like they owe him a few other things instead…" Garrus said, his tone playful enough to tease, but Tali didn't take the bait like she normally did, she seemed to hug her legs more tightly at Garrus's words.

"Garrus, no…" Kasumi muttered softly, glancing at the former C-Sec officer with a venomous gaze. Garrus looked up and flinched slightly from the Master Thief's expression.

"Sorry…just…hell, Tali knows that the only reason Shepard made it is because of her. After all, she's the only one he wanted to say anything to with his message." Garrus said quickly, trying to gloss over his comments.

"And Tali has her shotgun for any Shepard groupies that might show up…no matter what species they're in…but I think that Shep is going to want to build that house on Rannoch. He deserves a retirement on a nice quiet planet inhabited with two species that worship him. Tali, how do you look in a bikini?" Kasumi asked idly and looked at the Quarian with an impish smile on her lips. Tali slowly raised her head and the faceplate tilted slightly.

"A…what?" Tali asked, breaking her silence for the first time, confusion managing to take precedence over her worry.

"Oh, you mean that human thing they wear at the beach? Yeah…I think Tali would look good in one of those." Garrus said with a smirk.

"Why Garrus…if I didn't know better…" Kasumi said, looking back at the Turian, a smile on her face this time rather than a look of rage.

"Whoa…no, I mean…Tali is great and all, but I saw how she had eyes for Shepard from the first time she met him. If I tried to interfere with that…I don't know who'd shoot me first. Tali, Shepard, or me." Garrus said raising his hands defensively.

"I know, even if Shep doesn't have legs, he'd still kick your Turian ass…besides, Doctor Michel might need consoling if you started making eyes for Tali…" Kasumi said coyly.

"What?" Garrus asked blankly.

"Infamous Archangel, missing the subtle signs…really?" Kasumi said with a soft giggle.

"Yes…really Garrus, you haven't noticed it?" Tali managed to ask, still hugging herself, but not as withdrawn.

"I…what?" The Turian asked again, looking more confused.

"Every time you walk into a room Garrus, she's watching you…she's always getting little things for you, and she's always interested in talking to you. Come on Garrus, even you aren't that oblivious." Kasumi said.

"I…well…other things have been on my mind…" Garrus replied.

"Oh sure…other things, well, those other things have been cleared up, haven't they?" Kasumi asked.

"Well…I suppose."

"We all deserve a happy ending after this Garrus, we survived. We can actually live." Kasumi said.

"Maybe…but…" Garrus said.

"But big bad Archangel is nervous?" Kasumi said playfully and only managed to get Garrus to roll his eyes in response. The trio lapsed into silence after that, well…silence except for Kasumi's chuckles at Garrus's nerves. It was a while before Tali finally broke the silence.

"I…guess, well, I know I want to be with him, no matter what." Tali said finally.

"And I'm pretty sure that he wants to be with you too Tali." Garrus replied.

"But…I'm an Admiral…and he's an Alliance officer…and the entire Galaxy sees him as a hero. I mean, he's not going to walk away from that. Not for me…" Tali said sadly.

"The galaxy sees him as a hero Tali…but he sees you as the only thing in his life worth anything. Shepard fought the Reapers for you, made peace between your people and the Geth for you, and he gave you back your homeworld. I think that if you want to settle down and try and see what a Quarian-Human baby looks like, he'd oblige you." Kasumi replied.

"Repeatedly." Garrus added in deadpan, and that managed to get a laugh from Kasumi and a snort of laughter from Tali.

"I…well…he deserves to have a person he can be with, doesn't he? So much of our time has been…borrowed I guess. When he wakes up, he'll have a future, no war, no question, it'll be his choice to do whatever he wants. I mean…he and I didn't have a future. Did we?" Tali asked, sounding nervous.

"Tali…you need to stop doubting just what Shep wants. He's so obsessed with you it's nauseating." Garrus replied.

"He wants you Tali…and I think you might just see how bad his taste is if you want to build a house on Rannoch…pick out the patterns for the wallpaper now while he's out. You might not get a chance to do it once he's up." Kasumi said with a giggle that didn't quite reach Tali.

"What if he doesn't wake up?" She said softly, and Kasumi and Garrus both looked at each other, not quite sure what to say. Garrus took a deep breath and rubbed his chin.

"If he doesn't, I think Jack will kick his ass for you. Besides, he's too damn driven to die. You're the only thing on his plate right now Tali, and if he has to rebuild his brain to be with you, he'll do it." Garrus said and Kasumi nodded vigorously in response to his words.

"Besides, you talk about him with all rainbows and sunshine, you should see his face light up when people talk about you…it's sickening." Kasumi said with a smirk, and Tali laughed softly.

"I guess we'll see when he wakes up." Tali said and leaned back into the pillows on the bed. Kasumi and Garrus both took that as a sign to make their exit, leaving the Quarian woman to sleep comforted by hope rather than the cold embrace of loss.

* * *

><p>"He's alive…he's ALIVE. Shepard, the single most important being in the entire galaxy is <em>alive <em>and you won't let me tell the story, you won't even let me tell the Alliance about it. What the fuck is wrong with you!" Allers screamed in her cargo bay. She divided her glance between the trio of figures standing in front of her, and the hovercam that was sitting on the floor with a pair of bullet holes in it and letting smoke curl into the air.

"I don't give a goddamn what you think the rest of the galaxy deserves to know. Shepard isn't even awake yet, so your story can wait a little longer." Zaeed said firmly, his pistol still gripped in one hand.

"It's NEWS! He deserves to have the galaxy know he isn't dead!" Allers snarled back, not willing to back down, even if the hardened mercenary, the living Prothean, and the Asari Justicar standing in front of her made it seem that she should be grateful that her camera was the only thing that had been shot.

"The commander does not deserve to be made the subject of spectacle he has fought and suffered for years, he deserves peace." Samara said simply, even through she looked to be the least overtly threatening, she didn't appear willing to negotiate.

"In my cycle, we did not have just unrestrained observers…but I suspect one such as you would have had her tongue cut out for not being willing to remain silent." Javik said menacingly.

"We won the war, and I've been on this ship and reporting since after Mars. I've helped in this war, and Shepard living is the biggest story since the Reaper invasion. The galaxy deserves to know." Allers said, sounding far more tenacious and vicious than her diminutive form would indicate.

"You might have helped with the war by standing in front of the camera and looking pretty, but Shepard won the war by fighting the goddamn Reapers. He deserves a little peace. At least until he wakes up." Zaeed said sharply.

"I say we cut out her tongue, otherwise she will speak. If she continues to try and tell the galaxy, we through her out the airlock." Javik interjected.

"No. She may be an annoyance, but she has not done anything to harm the Commander. She should be reasonable and willing to keep quiet of her own accord." Samara answered.

"My way is simpler and more effective." Javik replied.

"I think killing the reporter isn't going to solve anything." Zaeed said, and Allers didn't appear to be too intimidated by anything that was being said, although the glances she was giving Javik appeared to be wary.

"You can't kill me, and you can't keep me from telling this story." Allers said sharply.

"Who said that? I can kill you…if you wish me to prove it…" Javik replied and Samara gave him a warning glance.

"No…then why don't you wait for Shepard to wake up and have some say in what you decide to tell the Galaxy." Zaeed replied.

"Everyone aboard this ship owes Shepard a great deal, you included. He gave you a chance that few commanders in any starship would have. You worked closely with him, didn't you?" Samara said.

"I did what I did for the war effort." Allers replied, her arms crossed.

"And what about your damn ratings? Those weren't helped at all by having exclusive interviews with Commander Shepard? Come on, we both know that the news is about ratings, and about getting the biggest story, if you didn't then your network would keep you around. Shepard helped you, so you can at least keep your damn mouth shut, for him." Zaeed said. Allers stared at him, her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed.

"You could have at least asked nicely." Allers said, sounding annoyed with herself.

"We did, but I had to shoot the cam to get your attention first." Zaeed replied, holstering his pistol and walking out without another word.

"Why do you tolerate these 'reporters' in this cycle?" Javik asked as he followed Zaeed out.

"I wonder that myself." Samara replied.

"Now Shepard just has to wake up and we'll figure this goddamn thing out, he was usually good at stroking the media. He at least kept from having to hit them." Zaeed said, glancing over his shoulder at the closed hatch.

"I still do not understand his overwhelming desire to compromise and talk. If that female insisted on telling the galaxy that Shepard was alive before we even know if he survived the taint of Indoctrination, we should have dealt with her." Javik said fiercely.

"That's not what Shepard would have wished." Samara responded.

"Do Shepard's wishes over-rule your code?" Javik asked.

"For a time, they did, but Shepard was a being of honesty and integrity, he protected the innocent and fought the wicked, there was no need for me to weigh the code against his actions. He fought for others selflessly. Now those of us who have fought along side him must fight to defend him while he cannot." Samara explained.

"He always was a charismatic bastard…" Zaeed muttered.

"Indeed." Javik replied.


End file.
